My W is a beautiful person - mind, body and spirit. I love her just as much now as the day we met. Where I fell down at was in knowing how to show it, communicate it and live it. There's no doubt that many of her complaints were legit, it would be disingenuous to try and minimize that.
If that wasn't enough, right after the car wreck (4 years ago this month), I was a mess. Back and neck injuries. Traumatic brain injury. I hurt all over, couldn't remember anything. Couldn't stand bright flashing lights or loud noises. Impulsive at everything. I have no doubt that made living with me even more difficult that already must have been, especially considering the normal communications barriers men and women already seem to have.
Yes, I have alluded to my feeling that she's in a MLC. I could very well be what drove her there. Yes, I have mentioned a few areas where I felt she made mistakes as well, and maybe I shouldn't have since I'm trying to forgive these issues and have no control over them. I know neither of us are perfect.
The last 14 months (really 4 years) have been pretty brutal. I've made a ton of mistakes - and since those are the only ones I had any control over, those are the only ones relevant to where I am today.
The big question is where am I today, and what am I ready to accept?
During the months from May 2012 thru August 2012, I did make many strides in becoming a better man. Do I still have flaws? Absolutely. Am I continuing to work on them? Absolutely. Will I ever be the perfect man? Not bloody well likely...
What it really boils down to is this: regardless of the changes I've made, I have to be willing to accept it may be too late. I will not stop DBing and improving the areas where I fell down.
Basically, I am at a point where I can look in the mirror and say I'm doing all I can and am willing to accept whatever is thrown at me. It's not easy, but, nothing worth having ever is.
