Into The Sunset

[25yearsmlc]

Thank you Whitney and 25. I kind of agree with both of you. 25, you gave me a lot to think about. As for my postings here, you are right, they are basically on bad days when i just need to vent.

Today is one of those days.

I hope you'll go right back UP this page and read the post I wrote you. It hits all these^^^ points...again.

Did you ask yourself the questions I asked you to ask? PLEASE DO b/c they are designed to help you correct your mistaken way of thinking.

Do you honestly think and feel the "whole 25 years" was a lie? Please read my post again and again til you see that it's nutty to think like that.

It's an actual thought disorder. Don't go there Tad. It's not real and it's not healthy.


I'm sure I'll get the 2x4 for this.

I've just been doing so much thinking and still struggle with the disbelief that things turned out this way.

STOP IT. GAL.

What you call "thinking", I call wallowing. You are choosing to stay stuck. It's "stinkin' thinkin'" and it's really NOT healthy.

Tad, Snap out of it! Whatever it takes, you have to see that enough is enough.

(I'm lovingly/virtually going through this computer & slapping you in the face, Tad. Get Unstuck!)

She now has her wedding invitations out and the date is June 15.

Apparently, they have already bought a house.

And therefore....what? How does this relate to YOU?

Yes she is gone. She's moving forward. That is reality. It has nothing to do with you. NOT Directly...NOT today....Even if it did, once upon a time, it does not relate to you now. So let it go.


My S20 said to me the other night that he thinks that she left because of money. I almost believe him.

Why does your son tell you these things? I must assume YOU ASK...

"Money" is the simplest answer a 20 y/o can come up with. He can see her buying a house (IF that is true).

AND so what? It's not relevant NOW. I've told you to disconnect HER choices from your life.

You seem to think everything she does directly and inversely affects you. If she wins the lottery, you go bankrupt. If her car is new, your car breaks down. Like there is a causal relationship...

It's a crazy way of seeing things. (And it's kind of all about you...)


What is going on here? Why do you have these conversations with your SON? It hurts HIM AND YOU to spend time on this.

It keeps HIM stuck (with you), wanting the past to return, instead of learning to adapt to reality. Instead of making the most of TODAY...

again, I'd urge you to read the Power Of Now b/c you are not living in the present.

You live in the "land of regrets & what ifs" and it's a lonely place to be.


Please, Please see the harm it does to HIm to question & over simplify what HE thinks YOUR EX W thinks, (or feels or plans or what her reasons from the past were)...it's simply not an issue HE ought to be concerned with or discussing with you. Isn't any of this between you and her?

Tad, What do YOU believe it'll take for you to let go of the past? I mean it Tad. Is there anything you can imagine, that will free you

IF you don't free yourself? Is there an external event you are awaiting?

See, I believe in my heart of hearts, only you can free yourself of the past.

I don't believe anything SHE does/says will free you. If she does not marry OM, but marries someone else, OR if she prefers to stay single, you'll still be stuck asking why and wondering if "your whole life was a lie"...

And sweetie, that's on you.


I've noticed that I get anxiety when I hear something about her or know that she is on the phone with one of our sons. Why is this?


B/C you have not detached. Period.


I get weak in the knees and get a weird feeling in my stomach and all over. Why?

see above re you not detaching. This is not complicated.

I am struggling. Still.

I've got a second date with a woman on Tuesday that I really don't want to go to. I feel nothing.

You sound too depressed to go. I'm torn between urging you to GAL and saying "stay home, it's not fair to OW." What are you doing to GAL other than fake dating?

Please JOIN SOMETHING this month. Anything with new people who do NOT know your situation...I've pointed out numerous times, there are things to join that do NOT cost much.

I'd urge you to attend a workshop called Essential Experience ("EE") but It's not free and you'd really have to let go of the past. The good news is, they help you do that.

(See Power Of Now's post b/c he just went to EE, and I witnessed his breakthroughs and growth. Amazing really).

They have a website to check out.

Whatever it takes Tad, you have to get unstuck for YOU and for your sons....I've literally lost count of how many times I've told you to think about them and the effect your behavior has on them.

I worry that although you say you only come here on those bad days, (I mostly believe you) that your sons see a LOT of those days. I can't stress enough how much damage I think it does to them.

QUESTION---Will They ever be allowed to be happy for their mother?

What if she's actually happy?

(Do you believe that HER being happy = you being a loser?)

Is it possible that she could NOW be happier with someone else, and it might NOT reflect on you?

THEN, if she is happy, could her sons be a little glad for her?

Would you prefer they not go to her wedding at all?

Would you prefer they cut off all contact with her? I understand these feelings, but where does it leave them?


Anyways, just a bad two days and sorry for rambling....

Tad

You're not rambling. But you are wallowing.

You need to re-direct the way you think, like we ALL had to do at one point or another.

Tad, can you just do me and you a favor and really take in that earlier post?

I wish I could get you to see how good life COULD be, if you'd make the effort to GAL FOR REAL...

I mean it.

((( )))