Looking for a little advice and support

[cbtdad]

Thanks AS!
I have read a lot of your posts on here and you have some great advice.
You are so right with everything you basically said.
The snooping just made me feel worse, it was pointless in the end. Didnt really learn anything different and felt extremely bad for doing it.
As I said, after Superbowl Sunday it became easier to do a 180 when she said she just wasn't ready. I was getting upset when she kept telling me and her family that she was going to work on it, but wasn't doing anything.
I noticed a difference in her body language and communication within one week of that. But like I said the other day, I started asking questions and it upset her. This time though only after a couple hours she sent me a joke about something and started communicating with me. I just kept it short, not to be rude.
I know she notices the changes, but she just isn't ready to trust again.
I've had a very good resource here where I live. Him and his wife are one of the couples that head up retroV here. He knows everything and has said the only chance to get her to retroV in march is to give her the space now and immediately and let her start second guessing if she really wants this.
One of the things he said that I try and remember now that made so much sense is: He asked me what my biggest fear was and I told him my biggest fear is pulling a 180 and becoming the best man I can be and her not changing at all and me not wanting to be with her anymore. His response, "that is the most selfish thing I have heard. For the last 2 years she has put up with the worst of you as now you become the best you can be and you don't give her a chance to change. That's selfish"
I was like wow. Didnt think of it that way.
I have been reading DB and have learned some great things. One of the books I read tht I really understood and got a lot out of was, "Winning your wife back before its too late" by Gary Smalley.
I am going to continue to work on me as that is the only thing I can control.
Everything else is in His hands. Thanks for the advice AS
I'm glad I joined this forum, I know it can be such a big help