Yes indeed. About 7 or 8 years ago she and her/his S (she only ever had the one)were on an "uncontrollable child" episode - 2 actually, 1 was a follow up. The boy has had a slew of troubles, drug use and crime among them. Of course it didn't help that XW2 hooked up with a physically abusive man after H. She said that person "left marks on S's neck and threw the boy up against the wall, more than once". She was with him for several years, because, she explained to Dr Phil and the audience "she was 'in love'". The only reference made to my H was 1 question from Dr Phil "I understand the biological father is out of the picture, has been for some time, and you say that's for the best." XW2 agreed with great animation.
Now, this rankles me because, while H certainly has his issues, abuse is not one of them. (Yes we could make a case for emotional/verbal) And H TRIED over and over to get access to the boy. Each time he was told "S is doing fine without you. S doesn't want anything to do with you." etc. And the Dr Phil show never contacted H. Just took "I was in love" 's word for H's character.
But, the audience, oh ha ha, THEY were not impressed with "I was in love". I never saw the show but did review it on Dr. Phil's site and bought the transcript. The comments on the site/show's board were not kind.
On the bright side Dr. Phil did send S to a recovery camp which I guess he credits with helping him immensely. He now wants to study psychology, is in college, works and is engaged. So more power to him. From what H says S is not too impressed with XW2, calls her "crazy".
Of course, I'm not too impressed with H, and the word crazy, as far as I am concerned, may apply there too.
Anyway, have to run.
Have a great day. Thanks for stopping by.
Me 46 H 56 M 22 yrs S22, D20, Twin Ss18
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. What you stop. And what you reinforce. ~~~~~~~ A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
Does the pain EVER go away? Wake up with a 20 pound goblin on my chest, tormenting me with thoughts of H and ow, replays of conversations with H when he tells me his definition of me, of our marriage. While H slumbers peacefully next to me.
H's strange comment of the day for yesterday. He referenced XW2 who has recently had a mastectomy.
"So if XW2 and I had never split, I'd be almost free now."
I frown, puzzled, "I don't understand."
He explains "Well with her cancer. Its probably only a matter of time - I mean she probably only has so long left. So I'd almost be free now."
I look at him. "That is a strange thing to say."
"It was a joke! Man, you have no sense of humor!"
No, I guess I don't.
Me 46 H 56 M 22 yrs S22, D20, Twin Ss18
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. What you stop. And what you reinforce. ~~~~~~~ A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
The pain will ease in time, but the scar will remain. Unfortunately w/him in the house and making comments such as he has, they don't help your pain. However, I do think the fact that you are working will help in time.
Whether he was joking or not about the XW2's life or not, it was very cruel. Maybe he doesn't realize that she could actually out live him if she got proper treatment. Now, that would be something to think about.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. I wish I had a wand and could wave it and make things better for you and the other posters. It's a very long, hard journey w/a lot of pain mixed in, but at the end of your journey, you'll be even stronger than you are today...it all takes time.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I don't get to post very often but wanted to catch up with you.
You are doing so well. Your H is lucky that you did not smother him with a pillow after that comment. But goes to show you how far into outerspace they are.
I do not know if the pain ever goes away. After six months, it sure has not for me. But I am able to forget about it a little for longer periods of time now. It seems to rear its ugly head after he has contacted me. So kudos to you since your H is around quite a lot.
Here's to another day and one foot in front of the other!
Have just discovered Willard Harley's site. Seems 180 to some of db advice and I am wondering what the official db word on Harley is.
Cheers.
ps Hi Portia! I'm not on too often of late either. Can't seem to form coherent thoughts of late. You are making tiny progress?!? Good to hear. Thanks for stopping by.
Me 46 H 56 M 22 yrs S22, D20, Twin Ss18
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. What you stop. And what you reinforce. ~~~~~~~ A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
Been a while since I've been on here so feel I should update.
Me: new job!! Great job!! Not enough hours so still have fast food job on weekends, meaning I often work 7 days a week.... but the fast food shifts are usually only 4 or 5 hours so for now its manageable.
H: new job. he hates it.
kids: mostly ok. D18 has another new tattoo .... sigh.
R/M: oh who the heck knows. there's no discussion of it for the most part. Although, I did get this text from H the other day while he was driving back from a weekend gambling/visit the parents (and I always suspect visit the ow too)
In reflection I realize there are times you irritate me but overall I do like you. So I misspoke before.
Now if that doesn't warm the cockles of my heart... perhaps I too should get a tattoo... "Overall, my H does like me."
His visit with his parents was ok but he tells me over and over how he feels he has to "take dead sister's place" meaning she would have been the parental caretaker so now he MUST DO THAT. Not sure if this is baby steps to running home to Mom?
Me 46 H 56 M 22 yrs S22, D20, Twin Ss18
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. What you stop. And what you reinforce. ~~~~~~~ A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
I'm glad you posted. Sounds like work is okay and maybe things will pick up for you when the weather gets warmer and more people are out and about. How are you doing otherwise?
I'm not surprised that your h hates his job. Most mlcers do.
So he likes you? Now that is funny. Sounds like he looks at you and the relationship as friends/pals. He's still a kid at heart.
At least he's telling you how he feels about his parents and their situation. I think he feels a bit trapped in being a caretaker. Time will tell if that means running home to mom. It could be the excuse he needs to do so.
Time will tell if he plans to run home to mommy.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
