Hi all.. Hoping and needing advice with going dark... a little over a month ago I found out about the OM... found them in our house one night when I decided to show up without txting first... turns out the other man is 17yrs younger than her as well. we exchanged words that night. with in two days she put a peace bond on me because she didn't want me showing up at the house anymore incase the OM as there. We have only talked twice since then. once on the phone.. only to separate stuff.... and once txting and it was just small stuff.. I never mentioned anything about the OM the R.... prior to finding out about the OM.. we had two months of her going out partying till 2 or 3 in the morning.. she gave me the speech of needing some space and wanting to move out about 3 weeks before I caught her. Saying she had to think about stuff and needed to fall out of love so she could move out.... This woman was near perfect for almost 9yrs.. had high moral values.. would do anything for me and our family. Would never do anything like this before. all within 2 months she dressed different.. she starting hanging out with 19 and 20yrs old that she goes to nursing school with... (she's 39 and I am 38).. she had a hysterectomy in June 2012... school is crazy stressful for her. she's only in her second year now...
So since all this came out we have barely talked.. the OM is always over had her new place.. and sleeps there on weekends her daughter isn't there.. he couldn't be more opposite than me. She lies to everyone and me about everything she can... (again never ever use to lie)
So my question is.. how long do I stay dark? days? weeks??? months???? she is obviously a very classic case of MLC..which I never realized until I found her with the OM... I just thought she was blowing off steam from the stress of school... so my initial reactions were the typical crying and begging for her not to leave.. do I respond in the classic way back? by staying dark? I was a pursuer/fixer in the relationship before. I just don't know how long I should.. or just wait for her to make contact?
anything would help.. I am soo lost!
M-39 W-41 T-9yrs BD-Dec 2012 “regardless of your choices and the fact that they may have caused me to experience painful emotions, I still love you because I recognize the purpose of our journey.”
