Soul.Searching my way back (#2)

[Soul.Searching]

Link to last thread Soul.Searching my way back

Well I had my first Valentines day in 14 years as a single woman today. Actually really my first ever. I'd just turned 16 when I started dating H.

It was actually okay. Feeling a little down tonight but not too bad really.
H called today to ask if he could drop in and see the kids after work. We were talking about the kids Birthdays as D9 was already worried about seeing both of us. He was saying how we can at least be civil about it. Hmm yeah, that's the plan.

He sounded kinda down. Wonder if he felt a tiny bit of guilt. Who knows.
He came just as I got home from work and rushed the kids out the door.
S8 was crying because he said our cat sounded sick. Strange because I can't find her and she is always here. I hope she is okay!!!
Anyway S was crying telling me and H just rushed him in the car. That was just mean.
He brought them back and pretty much left.
I don't think he likes coming to the house these days.

Nothing was mentioned about Valentines day by either of us. I nearly said it but thought it would be inappropriate.

I didn't feel anything when I seen him but to be honest, I don't think I really looked at him either. I mean I did look at him but I didn't "see" him.
Strange.

I had to do some quick course's the last few days. It was interesting to see the way different people respond to different things.

I've found D9 has a lot of anger these days. I tried to talk to H about it a few times before but he thinks I'm full of it. Nothing he does has affected the kids in his view and if they don't do it when they are with him, then it must be my fault.
So basically I'm on my own, trying to help the kids through this. It okay though. I can do this, not much different really. I've always felt like a single Mum in many ways.
H was always too busy to deal with anything.

All in all, a way better Valentines Day than I would have thought a few months ago. It's been a little sad tonight but no tears. Pretty much an average day.