3 Months in, Still fighting. Crunch time!

[SM34]

Tallula, yes it seems our sitchs are somewhat similar.

I understand what you are saying about looking too closely to what she is doing, and that I need to look at myself.

I'm still doing my 180s. I also launch my newest business this weekend! So excited!! I've been reading a "Home MBA" book that W got me a while back. I need to develop my business skills for myself so I can be successful. I feel more confident and better about myself when my business is not going downhill. Also, W has asked me recently why I don't read that, and that it will help me. I'm not reading it just for her, but it is nice that I want to read it and she wants me to read it, both at the same time.

I am more driven now to succeed. If my M goes down the tubes because my W never wants to give it a second chance, I still need to make my business succeed. As I told my wife, this OM is not ever going to be responsible for D3's future. That is solely my responsibility now. I owe her the best life I can give her, with or without her mother's help.

I want to be able to take D3 on vacations like I did with my family. I want her to go to a good private school, like I did when I was young. I want her to travel and see the world, like i did when I was young. That has become my mission. I didn't care so much to meet a whole bunch of new people. That will happen in time. My focus is on stopping the bleeding as far as my finances go because we owe too much and without serious diligence it is not going to get better any time soon.

I have imagined life without my W. I have imagined living with my lovely daughter on our own. Honestly, it doesn't scare me so much as it used to. I mean it has been 3 months now without my W's affection etc... and I am still able to be driven at work etc.. I'm coming home earlier to enjoy my daughter. We have an awesome time together! She really is the coolest little kid I have ever met and has the BEST sense of humor! She does things then laughed and knows she is being mischievous. She tries to hide in the fridge but cant get the door to shut on her =) It would still be a lot of fun! But I WANT my wife so we can be a complete family. It has always been my dream...and hers in fact. Thats why I am giving it my best effort, putting my pride aside, reading reading reading, learning, applying, growing, learning how to be a better business man, learning how to better manage my business and my employees, better manage my time so I can spend it with my family etc..

It has been a good experience so far and I can safely say none of it would have happened without BD. I just want our issue to come full circle and then we have ALL learned something from this (including my W who will hopefully have learned that we should work on our problems not run off after a fantasy).

Stay tuned Tallula. I like your insight and you support. I want to "own" what I am doing, as you said. Yes I am settling for so much less than I deserve right now....but hopefully things will change.