3 Months in, Still fighting. Crunch time!

[leopoldstotch]

[quote=SM34]When I apply that to my sitch, here is what I come up with. My W's most important complaint about our M, and I believe the ONLY reason I am in this position, is that I didn't meed her needs emotionally. To be more precise, I did not compliment her enough on her looks and did not pursue her enough sexually.[quote=SM34]

If you did not hear this coming from your W then you are mind reading again.

[quote=SM34]So that is why I am really not confused on this part. And obviously I know my W very well, and I know how she feels towards me. I see the way she acts now as opposite to the first 2 or 3 weeks when I was giving her a lot of space and not at all showing much interest in her physically. It was just more of the same for her. Now that I am taking initiative to plan things, and I am complimenting her on her looks here and there (within reason), and doing the rest of my 180s like DIY projects around the house, coming home early etc.. I see that she is spending more KEY days at home. Saturday night is traditionally a day you spend with your "loved one". So is valentines day. In the last 10 days, I have been chosen for Saturday night AND valentines. So I'm going to see that as doing something right, and reject what I was doing at the very beginning (which got me a night home alone with D3 on new years which was also my 34 birthday!!).[quote=SM34]

If you know how your W feels towards you and you see she acts the opposite of when you gave her space then WTF is she STILL sleeping with another man? So she is spending more "key" days and you think you have been chosen for Sat night and Valentines Day? LOL SM did it occur to you that maybe her lover is busy? She won't stop cake eating until you stop being weak!

[quote=SM34]In my sitch, I have to recognize that my W had no physical contact with OM until she came clean to me. She cried and said she was very confused, she didn't know why she was having these thoughts. Well i know! Its an emotional affair! Her brain is in chemical overload and she knows not what she does. I believe she is a good person, who is very confused and needs me to be the lighthouse. But Tullala you are right that I have to be very careful that I don't be a doormat.[quote=SM34]

So once she came clean that made it ok to have sex with someone other than her H? How the hell do you know why she was having those thoughts because you read it somewhere? SM why do you constantly make excuses for her behavior? My guess is it's because you truly haven't entertained the idea of living life without her. You say you can move on without her but I think those are just words. You'd better prepare yourself for life without her because she may not want you back. Trust me your W knows EXACTLY what she is doing and you have yourself convinced that she doesn't. She is playing you for a FOOL!

[quote=SM34]You are right, I am paying for gas but i gas up the car JUST ENOUGH to get her there and back....not a drop more. And only because I believe if she spends enough time with this jackass loser (I know he is a loser, sorry I know this breaks the rules because it doesn't matter) it will help her realize. More time with anyone helps bring out the love extinguishers right?[quote=SM34]

WTF is wrong with you? You give her just enough gas to get to her lovers and back? Any self respecting MAN would not gas up her vehicle. I can't believe you fill up her car so she can go off with another man, what is wrong with you? Stand up for yourself, stop being weak. What you do right here shows all of us that you definitely cannot move on without her. You are taking enabling to new heights! If she spends enough time with him she could fall in love with him and never return to SM!More time with anyone can build strong lasting bonds.

[quote=SM34]If OM lived here in town she would have been kicked out a long time ago. She would be close enough to be able to come spend time with D3 because I believe that is very important for D3. She would also be able to go sleep at OM's house all the time, and that would help speed up the collapse of this A. I know there is no guarantee, but we all know the odds are against them, especially that I know they have nothing in common. He tells her she is hot, and that is what she needed.[quote=SM34]

So on one hand you want your W to stay at home so she can see your changes but now it's if OM lived closer you would have thrown her out long ago? Which is it SM? You are talking out of both sides of your mouth. So her sleeping with OM all the time will now magically make the A collapse? Seriously SM WTF is wrong with you? Where are getting these crazy notions? Has it occurred to you that it's quite possible that the more time she spends with OM the more she could fall for him? No SM you don't know that the odds are against them and how do you know they have nothing in common? It's obvious they have something in common because she goes over there to have sex with him.

[quote=SM34]So do you guys think I am making sense? Aren't some sitches a little different and require a different approach? She feels I wasn't taking time to bond emotionally with her, so acting as if is going to re inforce that.[quote=SM34]

No you aren't making any sense at all.

[quote=SM34]If anyone is around here tonight to expand on any of this, please do. I am very curious because this can make or break my cause. I want to stay married, and whether I feel like a doormat or not is of no concern to me right now. I am only concerned with whether my W thinks I am a doormat, and how to gain respect and at the same time exhibit the ability to be mroe emotionally available and more complimenting.[quote=SM34]

You want respect? Start respecting yourself first. Stop enabling her A and put an end to her cake eating ways that's how you get respect. She is playing you like a fiddle. I'm sorry to be hard on you but I'm in shock at what you've just posted. You need to wake up bro.