Limbo Land II

[jzoom]

Thanks for the breakdown on things there AS. I took a break from the forum to work on me and it's been a rollercoaster.

I've been going to the Wed night get togethers and that's nice. Last Thur I backslid big time though and really pushed her in texting with a bunch of stuff; some pursuing, some cockiness, some sexual stuff. She responded just to try and get it through my head that she doesn't think about me, is happy where she is living and who she is now with. From my end, it was pretty much a total meltdown.

I thought about things and really accept that it's over. On Sat I texted her saying that I now realized this and just wanted to wrap up our outstanding business. That we can coordinate her getting the last of her stuff moved out and I'm looking forward to it.

She responded with some excuses and was trying to pick a fight. Basically saying that she couldn't believe I would say I'm looking forward to her getting out completely. I just didn't respond to it at all.

I was doing well, fighting off any lingering thoughts of her and looking at things rationally. Seeing how I can move on with my life and be ok and that I'll be better off with her out of my life. Really not focusing on winning her back at all. Having to keep in contact with her about some business matters but that's all I'm doing. She tried picking a fight with me Mon morning but I didn't let it escalate.

Now, today, I find out that my friend wanted to try and reason with her one last time. Asked to talk to her Sat night about things and wanting her to slow down. So they get together but then ex-gf brings along OM and says that anything my friend has to say can be said in front of him. My friend shut down at that point and just didn't pursue the matter, just chatted about other things.

I'm not happy with my friend and she knows this. I told her that it didn't help matters and that if she keeps doing it then it'll just keep looking like I'm attempting to use her for convincing my ex while I put on a nice show of moving on. I told her that when something is bugging her about my ex that she needs to ask herself if she would care if it were a stranger.

This made my day tough b/c I fear losing my focus of just taking care of myself. I keep thinking about this stuff now and my friend says that ex and OM are having some issues. So it plants that idea of "hope" in my head and honestly I don't want "hope", it does me no good.

Everytime I think about how I miss my ex I ask myself if I'm really missing "her" or "sex with her" and I'm also asking myself if I want a person like she is involved in my life...especially when I've almost got her out completely.

I did tell me friend to think carefully before attempting any other relationship talks with my ex. I also told my friend to not feed me any info anymore because it doesn't help anything.

I'm going to the Wed night dinner and hoping it'll cheer me back up and get me focused again.