Romantic dinners at candlelit restaurants, Godiva chocolates, two dozen long-stem roses, sentimental Hallmark cards- the stuff Valentine's Day is made of.
But what if your relationship is on the rocks and Valentine's Day is just another painful reminder that your life isn't what you hoped it would be? Then what?
In a word, gratitude.
Spend some time really thinking about what you are grateful for in your life. Focus on the half of your glass that's full. I try to do that on a regular basis. I'll share my gratitude list with you to help get you started (just in case you need a jumpstart).
Health Ok, my shoulders hurt most of the time from an ancient tennis injury and my hips talk to me after a long hike in the mountains, but all in all, I'm blessed with good health. I stay physically and mentally active. I try to eat well. That and good genes leaves me feeling pretty good most of the time.
I'm grateful for my family's health too. Although my son contracted West Nile Virus while hiking the entire Appalachian Trail, he figured out how to mend himself and heal. I give thanks for that every day.
My Family I am grateful for my husband, children, granddaughter, father, brothers, and in-laws. I love and am loved. What a gift. That's not to say that there aren't bumps in the road, there are, but at bottom, I love them all dearly.
I try to practice what I preach. I don't hold grudges. I don't do emotional cut-offs. I don't keep score. Life is too short.
My Friends I love people. I have lots of friends, both old and new. I maintain a friendship with my best friend in 3rd grade. I seek new friendships all the time and make connections with amazing people in Boulder.
Bette Midler had it right when she sang, "You gotta have friends." I don't know what I'd do without them.
My Work I feel so honored and blessed that I am able to do what I love to do most- help people. And in particular, help couples make their marriages work.
I don't believe that people just fall out of love; I think they lack the skills to make relationships successful. So, that's what I love to do- teach people skills, open their eyes and their hearts, help them fall back in love again.
Nature I admit it. I live in one of the most beautiful places in America, Boulder, Colorado. I have mountains right in my back yard. The sun shines 300 days out of the year and the hiking trails take you to heaven.
On days when my gratitude wears thin, I love putting on my hiking shoes and taking off into the woods, breathing the mountain air and smiling at kindred spirits on the trail. Nature fills me up.
When I work with couples, even those on the brink of divorce, I often ask them to talk about what they are grateful for in each other. The expression of gratitude creates a positive shift in the room. It's palpable. Focusing on gratitude works. Try it. Do it every day. What you focus on expands.
M 52 W 40 D 15 (step) S 12 (step) Married 7, together almost 8 Separated 1 year before bomb from her "I love you, I'm just..." BD final 8/22/12
