It's an interesting commentary, CV. You see yourself as the same as C's W. I'm not sure I do. So perhaps it's my interpretation of things. I see C's W as scared to death. I don't see her as indifferent. I read you as indifferent and less scared. The ONLY reason you mention for staying there at this point is because of your S. C's W does mention the S but as part of a larger family unit. She wants her family.
I find indifference a very dangerous place to get to in a relationship. Very hard to find your way out of. I'm not sure I ever developed indifference for my H as I care about him tremendously... I developed indifference for the M because he had been indifferent. Why care about something that I couldn't get him to care about. H is looking for a trophy. But a deep, meaningful, mutually beneficial relationship? No, he couldn't care less. And maybe it is because he's scared? But in that case, I have no respect for him because I find that weak. To make me believe he's indifferent because he's scared is equally cruel. He makes it too hard to be with him. Listen, I have lived a life of being able to walk away from anything and everything. I was almost proud of it. So, I empathize with his plight. But I also know how easy it is, how weak it is. It is far harder to come to a person and say, "hey you mean something to me" risking that you will get hurt. But at least? You risked it. You tried. Somewhere along the way... I grew up. And somewhere along the way... his fear, his pride OR his honest to God indifference alienated me. You can only tell a person so much that they don't mean that much to you before they start believing it.
So the question for you is... where do you land? Are you indifferent because you are scared or are you indifferent because he told you that you didn't mean much to him one too many times? If it is the latter, as I suspect it is, then I think you continuing to engage in a R where you are constantly reminded how low you rank is unhealthy. And maybe driving away (with S in the car) might be the right answer.
CV, you struggle. And I know you struggle or else you wouldn't continue to go over this again and again in your mind. And if your H's answer to you is hey, let me do what I want and your job is to just sit there and eat it, well... I know why you struggle. But this situation hurts you. And I'm not always sure you see that. You do deserve something more. At some level, you get that. I'm just not always sure you have completely internalized it.
