Great to take care of yourself and to stop mothering H. Really, really good. It might be helpful to recognize that over-functioning is a symptom of co-dependency. Have you ever tried a group for co-dependents or al-anon or something? Consider, reminding H that you won't take care of his needs so that he will take care of his needs is pretty much as co-dependent as taking care of his needs in the first place :-)
He's a grown-up, let him be. He'll figure it out, not your job. (How nice :-) )
