Number 8 on your post hit home pretty good. My W is the WAS in our story, but, she's also the one who made our problems public. Being part owner of her restaurant made it really easy for her to say something negative about me or our kids to someone, and have someone else hear it.
Yes, I talked to a few very close friends and OM's wife, so I'm a bit guilty as well. And I don't know for sure if they gossiped to anyone or not. Being where I am now, I don't really recommend doing either. I got a lot more from my IC than either of those actions.
We live in a small town, and I couldn't even go get gas in my car without hearing 'do you have any idea what your wife is saying about you?' from people I barely even knew. I would usually interrupt them and tell them to believe what they wanted, but, I wasn't having a conversation about my marriage with them.
Eventually I just started going to the next town for most of what I needed. Since she left the restaurant she helped build, things have tapered off and we're no longer the only topic of conversation in town, though, I do still think we're in the top 10 or 15, though. This issue caused a lot of damage that may end up being irreparable, though I am trying very hard to DB. And I've gotten MUCH better responses since I changed how and what I say and do.
