reforce on me

[littleGTO]

Thanks, PoN & labug.

After I talked to H & vented here my B called & we talked for about an hour. He has been D. His exW had an EA although he takes equal blame in the end of their M, so he can relate a bit to what I'm going through.

I ended up emailing H FOR ME. I wanted to apologize for the things that were brought up in our conversation last night. Although I've apologized for them before he obviously hasn't forgiven me for them.

I also offered "to be there for him" if he'd let me concerning his sister & her diagnosis w breast cancer. He won't let me, I know, but I just needed him to hear that from me.

I haven't even checked if he responded to my email (which he probably hasn't) b/c I sincerely sent it for me. I felt better. I don't need him to validate his acceptance or even his receiving the email.

I don't tell him about the boys' behaviors/sadness at night to "dump on him", rather he ASKED me to keep him informed of any new/different behaviors. BUT, I think I'm done doing that unless something extreme comes up.

You're right, PoN, I don't make him feel anything. He feels the guilt/blame b/c he deep down inside KNOWS that the behaviors that the boys are showing are at least in part (if not completely) due to his absence from our home.

labug, yes our boys' schedules are busy, but not any more busy than in comparison to all of their friends/our friends' kids. I feel great that they have the opportunity to experience lots of things that they will be glad to have done as they get older.

When you have 3 boys time 2 or 3 activities a week (& some are twice a week) that pretty much takes up every day. Add my C, their C, H's C, the gym, homework, etc & time does just seem to melt away. As long as they enjoy the activities and are keeping up w their schoolwork I see no reason not to let them continue.

H sees things differently. He is a jock, so for him sports is #1 for them. So, Im sure he would be glad to see them give up instrument lessons or boy scouts/cub scouts (S11 & S9).

It is all a balancing act, I know. Now I need to GAL ????? LOL!!! Why not throw that into the schedule too.