I'm curious, C, would either of you consider just living together? I suspect it might conflict with some of your religious beliefs (though that's a whole debate in itself as to whether God recognizes a legal D over a spiritual vow...) but it might solve her dilemma. The question is if she could consider you being a good H in spite of being a bad exH? Living together w/o a legal M eliminates any risk of her having to deal with you in a D situation again. Yet it would open the door for considering a "risk free" reconciliation. And it wouldn't need to be forever.
I know, this is little off-the-wall. I've had a lot of those lately. Probably need some sleep.
