hiya dawn;
'
here's me today- "dawn of the dead" - i'm with ya -

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able to brush him off when he's being a complete idiot!


my stupid jerk of not-h is crashing around feeling "put out" in life because he's doing the darn dishes and he fancies himself so very neat and me such a mess. i did it ALLLLLL for 30+ years, but that is not worthy of notice - i guess he figures a household running smoothly with everything we could need - - EVERYTHING just happened by magic while we both worked). nice world he lives in - huh?

anyway- he's dirty- does not clean anything- he just doesn't leave stuff around. go figure- i should live in that world.

i watch him daily turning into this jerk of a father he moans about all the time- fastideous to the point of insanity- a real prissy jerk who just has to have every icon on his desktop in the exact two millimeters of space, etc. it's insane i'm telling you. and here he is- becoming more and more inflexible and anal every single minute of every single day- talk about watchig a slow train wreck.

okay snodderly- that being said- i'd guess (kindly) it's him trying furiously to "take charge" of his life by doing dopey little things he can "clean up" because the rest is a stinkin mess? wonder if he will ever do or be anything other than blame me in his mind. i know he does because he's crabby & looking for a fight or something. i did not go there - at all. btw

OR (other possible reason) - he's just a self-righteous jerk who thinks the only efforts in life that matter are his- he's sooooo wonderfulllll. and i'm sooooooo awful.... (oops - did i say that out loud?) he probably couldn't get ow on the phone so i'm going to pay now- for his misery. (which is all my fault btw)

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I am so sick of him...it's so ugly to hear someone's misery day in, day out!


i'm with you. i'm here complaining because my not-h is crashing around being obvious- i can't imagine if he was saying it out loud. i'd feel like you and more i'm sure.

it's got to be intolerable over the long haul - i'd want to kill him if he was laying crap like that on my kid- really. how dare he dump his poisonous and self-pitying attitude on a kid (even an adult kid). my neices father dumps on her- i hate it. what a really selfish thing & how can you do it to your child? i guess their NEEDY NEED for pity supercedes everything in the universe. yikes... how gross

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that he is healthy again. Not for me, or our M, but for out R as parents and human beings. I would like to believe everyone has hope!


nice little you- to endure all this- and still have some hope. i'm not so sure about me today. we don't have kids- i despair of him ever seeing himself- his mlc- his insanity for what it all is. today- i think it's just a matter of time as to when i leave. i don't even think it will matter to him - only possibly to me and my ruined little life and future plans- it's all in the can now. i will be lonely til i get over it all. too bad huh? boy- all that optimism stuff sure does not prepare one for reality).

If i survive valentines day it'll be a miracle. all these tv ads with loving junk make me cry and feel wah wah. have to stop & harden up somehow.

i've never cried a heck of alot about this all - i cannot let myself. now or then I begin and stop immediately becasue i don't know why- can't let myself get "weak" - have to remain strong. i don't really know how long i can do this - i'm competent and responsible in general in life - but emotionally i'm sappy more than "strong". i can do what i have to do- but just because i have no alternative.

i'm not good at being hard - it's a strain to continue it for long periods. i am soooo done with misery people who want me to fix it all- and be sure to not expect anythign in return.

anyway- today i merely hope to make it thru the day without blowing up- the more i am a round him- the less i "feel it" -

HEY SELF - QUIT STALLING - FIND THE DAMN JOB AND COMMIT - (eek- nme and commitment and DECISION)...

oh well- as you can clearly see- sos here with me today- hope your day gets better -

you are right- there is more to life than living like this- and we know it (fortunately or unfortunately) - that's the bad news about having BEEN perfectly happy-

oh well- i got nothin really this morning i guess.

just checkin in and agreeing mightily with you.

these guys are both IN THEIR MLC's - it's soooo icky to watch and see and know and wonder if they will ever open their eyes(brains - hearts- consciousness), etc.

like two little half dead goldfish being flushed down the toilet- clueless & on their way out. just swirling on down - helllllppppppp...... blub blub.

i don 't think my not-h will ever do anthing other than become his father- crabby- self righteous - picky- thinking hinmself a God to the remainder of humanity's grovelying grubblings.... all unworthy of his wonderfulness - sorry- seems true today.

okay- i'll get out of here and just stfu -

have a good day - well, try anyway. we need to find our pma today- i'm trying - can't seem to land somewhere -

it's that i need to clean this dump- but then think i'm doing it so he can - uh hem - "entertain" while i'm gone- and who wants to know thta??? not me , yet i do. geeez i hate him when i say that out loud- wonder at the end of the day whether i will hate him and never see his face again- or if there is some little something somewhere that didn't get killed in the fire?


bad bad road

who can say- not me today. xxoo thanks for being out there