EXPERIMENTING with physical touch with W

[leopoldstotch]

SM I meant to tell you that getting her a gift would be pressuring her. My W's birthday is 12/23. When she said to me ILYBINILWY in 2011 I still went and bought her birthday and Christmas gifts and guess what. She told me that she felt like I was trying to buy her love and I have to say that really hurt. When Valentines Day came in 2012 I did not even acknowledge it and when my birthday passed in Oct of 2012 my W did not get me a card or a present so when her birthday came I did the same.

SO as you can see from experience it really is true when MWD says not to buy a WAW gifts.

Why are you snooping SM? Do you see what it is doing to you? You are trying to mind read her. I hate to say this but I think it sounds like she has given up hope because the key words are "could have saved" your M. Right now she is most likely done with you but since she is cake eating BIG TIME it's no wonder she is friendly and cordial to you. Think about this SM, here is your W who gave you a BD and you know she is sleeping with another man yet she is still in the house with no job and with you providing her with a roof over her head, food to eat, health insurance etc. I could go on and on but yet at the same time she does not have to meet any of your needs emotionally or physically and you are doing nothing about it and she is loving every second of it because she is not being held accountable for her actions.

IMHO your W will not come to any decision on her own it's probably going to take her losing you to wake up and that is not a given that she will even want to come back to you. I know you feel she wants to come back to you but I'm telling you that at this time she doesn't. Only you SM can determine when you are truly ready to move on without her. I can tell you what I would do if I was in your sitch and I would tell her that since she wants to carry on an A that she must leave the house. I'm not telling you that that is what YOU should do because I understand how you want her to be around to see your changes but I think with her cake eating it portrays you as a doormat.