Living, Getting the Paperwork Started (20 months)

[keep_going]

Hi Ad,

I am glad that your S ended up with the celebration he wanted, despite all the miscommunications and glitches and yes, it was a nice gesture from your MIL to cook for you guys.

Kudos to you for being so flexible and patient with the whole situation. I can totally relate since I went thru the challenges of dealing with older relatives first with my grandparents and now with my parents and MIL.

It does take a lot of patience and effort on our part to accomplish even seemingly simple tasks (like organizing and pulling off a meal get-together - lol...) I try to remind myself that they are aging and that I am not dealing with the same parents I had 5 or even 2 years ago. Their dementia, Alzheimers, hearing loss, energy loss and a host of other physical ailments make the relationship tough and their behavior different than what I was used to.

Even with my MIL, who is in great health and leads a busy life, I have to deal with more subtle things, like fears (perhaps of her own frailty or death), and her growing worrisome habits. I find that things that didn't bother her now make her fearful or worrisome.

So I try to lower my expectations and realize that if I want to have a meaningful R with them, I will be the one doing most of the work. Then I approach it as a reverse role. When I was a baby / kid, they put in most of the effort and work to have things work for me and our R and now it's my turn to give back to them. So I basically approach them almost like little kids.

Yes, it's a huge test of patience and compassion, but that is something I personally need to work on on a consistent basis anyways, so I see it as practice and an opportunity to make myself better.

Ad, I have not been posting much lately, but I have been reading. You are doing so great given all your challenges and you certainly have your hands full. Your strength continues to inspire me.

((((((Ad)))))))