I'm not going to say anything until... My lawyer thinks it's kind of a hollow threat as the age of our D and in a year and a half she will be driving. Right now my W will have to explain to her why she cannot see me and after she starts driving, well you know what happens then.
I'm having a hard time getting through "The Happiness Trap" it's a good book with lots of useful information I just cannot keep my mind on it for some reason. I just need to push my way through it.
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
I'm having a hard time getting through "The Happiness Trap" it's a good book with lots of useful information I just cannot keep my mind on it for some reason. I just need to push my way through it.
It's a difficult read for sure. It's not something that you can just pick up and casually read 50 pages of. You have to read it in pieces, and process what you've read and put it into practice. The key to reading and understanding it is not to be in a hurry
AS glad your doing well brother, I finally took my riders edge course at my local Harley shop. Passed it, now it's time for my license. Then it's shopping time for me lol.
The book takes some practice, I have noticed a difference in my attitude and the way i deal with self doubt already.
I ran 3.5 miles today, felt so much better after. I have let me running go for a couple of weeks and must get back into shape. My 1/2 marathon won't get any easier unless I run.
I am really struggling with a decision, my W wants half the equity from the house and I am not sure if I want to put that money back into a loan. I'm thinking sell and purchase something a little smaller. I also do not want to sell my daughters house, she already has had so much loss in the last 6 months. I asked her if she would mind me selling and she said: "I don't care" and shrugged her shoulders. To me that sounds like I don't want to tell you no, I'm trying to answer in the way you want me to. My eyes water up thinking about it, I really am torn. Right now I need a staples easy button and there is none to be found.
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
AS glad your doing well brother, I finally took my riders edge course at my local Harley shop. Passed it, now it's time for my license. Then it's shopping time for me lol.
Fantastic! Good luck with the license, but I think you'll find it pretty easy after having taken the course.
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The book takes some practice, I have noticed a difference in my attitude and the way i deal with self doubt already.
It helped me a lot too. I probably only implemented maybe 25% of what I read, but even that much can make a big difference. I think the biggest point the book makes is that it's pointless to chase "happiness" or any other emotion, because all emotions are temporary and fleeting. So we can control our attitude rather than letting our emotions control it. It's a simple but profound concept!
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I am really struggling with a decision, my W wants half the equity from the house and I am not sure if I want to put that money back into a loan.
I REALLY hate to take on debt after having paid everything off, but I'm going to have to in order to pay W for her half of the house. My house is a good size for me and the kids without being overly huge. Plus selling a house, buying another house and moving always ends up costing much more than one would think.
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I asked her if she would mind me selling and she said: "I don't care" and shrugged her shoulders. To me that sounds like I don't want to tell you no, I'm trying to answer in the way you want me to.
This would be a good time to put your validation techniques to use, it's not just for your W but for anyone in your life. Sit down with her and ask her how it makes her feel. Don't say "what's wrong" because that will just put her on the defensive, like any response other than "nothing" is confirming to you that there is something "wrong" with her. So ask her how she feels about it. Then validate her feelings, tell her you understand why she feels that way. Discuss various options with her and find out how she feels about them.
This would be a good time to put your validation techniques to use, it's not just for your W but for anyone in your life. Sit down with her and ask her how it makes her feel. Don't say "what's wrong" because that will just put her on the defensive, like any response other than "nothing" is confirming to you that there is something "wrong" with her. So ask her how she feels about it. Then validate her feelings, tell her you understand why she feels that way. Discuss various options with her and find out how she feels about them.
I did that exact thing AS, I asked my D how would you feel if I sold this house and we got to pick a new one out. Her answer "I don't care" and a shoulder shrug. I said hhmm what does that mean to you?, her answer "I dunno". I said if i hear you correctly you have no feelings either way on me selling this house, her answer, "i don't care". Now a friend of mine said that my W told her when we separated that our D was staying with me because 1 I'm a good father 2. our d does not want to move.
While thinking about this more and more, I think i will refinance and live here for a year or so and figure me out. I don't want to rush a decision and wind up worse off emotionally than I am now. It is not the smartest thing to do financially yet I think the smartest thing to do for me. I make plenty enough to afford this house. I will take my D to Kirklands and we can pick out some decor for us and we can decorate this mother up lol.
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
Subguy, if the decision to stay in the house makes you feel good inside, then go for it. Moving to the condo where I live prob wasn't the best choice financially, but it was worth a lot in regard to my emotional and mental health.
You are a great father, so you should feel proud of yourself.
I too find myself in a similar sitch with the house. I may have to refinance to give my wife her share of the equity, and then quite possibly sell within the next couple of years. Financially not the smartest thing I could do. If it will provide my children with stability during a difficult time, then it will be worth every penny.
Me 37/W 32 S 5 D 4 ILYBNILWY 5/12 Sep 8/12 Starting to find myself 11/12 on
Well as I have done a little more digging, half the equity when someone is staying in the house is a little different than selling and splitting the equity. Appraisal for division of assets places that value of equity lower for the one leaving. This makes it more fair for the one staying in the house as there would be a lot of cost in selling the house and refinancing also. I also am taking on the risk of the mortgage so...
My IC went well we discussed the fact that I have forgiven myself for any part I played in the demise of my marriage. The further I am out of the situation the more I realize this was not all my fault, not even close. I however want to make myself a better person. Do not mistake this thought with callousness towards my W. I still have empathy for the fact she is hurting, I just disagree that I am her evil villain. In my next relationship the faults my wife has with me may be a blessing. Thanks GTO for that little nugget of wisdom.
I have started group thing called Celebrate Recovery, it's a christian based 12 step program for anyone with hurts, hang ups and addictions. I like it so if anyone is interested look them up.
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
Of course you're not the evil villain. You both played a role in what happened. And you should feel great that you're learning and becoming a better man,
Well... it's over my W is going down to file for divorce this week and I am tired, very very tired. I'm tired of hurting and crying. Tired of her lieing about everything. Tired of feeling worn out, like I was beat up and drug through a knot hole backwards.
Time to regroup again, focus on me and my children. Learning, growing, becoming a better Dad is my objective at this point.
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
