Hey it's been awhile. I have been lurking and sometimes posting. It's been over 4 years and my ex is still as angry as the day it started. For those that are new, he is remarried and has a kid now 2 (i think). He remarried 5 mths after divorce and got her preg. immediately.
My son came home for a couple months but ended up back at his dad's and back to no contact with me. While here my son was a complete different person. We were very close and had good talks. My son has alot of anger issues and eventually I told him if he didnt respect my house rules he would have to go back to dads. He chose dads and doesnt contact me anymore. I hated myself for a long time for saying this to him because it took me two years to get him back into my life. I asked son how he dealt with the anger at his dads and he said he just screams and crys into a pillow.
I am still going to school and this summer I will have to do my clinicals at the nursing home where my ex works. I have no choice in this, hopefully it will be a different shift. I am friends with the administrator and called to give her a heads up to the situation, (her ex is also friends with my ex and she is very aware of our situation), My ex answered the phone and as soon as he heard my voice, he hung up. I didnt get a chance to ask for the administrator. Oh well, I guess they will know when they see me. I still cant believe the anger he has. I am beginning to think it will never end. Will we ever be able to be civil parents or grandparents. I have no interest in him whatsoever romantically. This is just destroying my son's life. It must be awful to think your parents hate each other. I cant imagine how my son feels, and it breaks my heart. I am at a loss, there is nothing i can do.
My son still feels he has to choose because his dad and stepmom despise me.
I am so depressed over this. Please pray for my situation.
I think that eventually this will all even out. Your son is 18 now and if judging my kids when they were teenagers, there was no telling them anything.
One day you will be smart again. Just love your son unconditionally and all will be fine in the end. If it is not fine now it is because it is still not the end.
Cadet actually my son was 18 when this started. He is now 22!
I just dont understand the anger. I mean i did the first yr. or even two yrs. BUT over four years???? Why cant he see that his son needs both parents? My son still has alot of growing up to do. I feel like the divorce has stopped his growth somewhat. My ex has got him believing that I cant not make it on my own and that I am a worthless piece of crap. I say this because of some of the comments my son made when he came to stay with me. Dad kicked him out because son lost his job. I overheard son on phone tell his dad that my house was just has nice has his and etc.
Believe me I dont want to be best friends with these people. But my ex should understand that our son listening to them talk crap about me isnt healthy for him.
The new wife absolutely hates me and I figure some of this is coming from her.
The man I married would never have allowed our son to disrespect me. But he is not the man I knew. My ex has a total new lifestyle.
I have to wonder how my son deals with a NEW dad? I learned to cope with it and move on but my son has to live with it everyday. He said more than once, "mom, dad is so different". This has to confuse my son. And then the anger on top of that is so not helping. I just wish ex could see this. Its like he doesnt care. My son needs counseling but i know he wont go. I have had some counseling. I love my son so much and wish we ALL could just be civil and get along for him. We dont have to see each other, just stop the bashing.
I think the best revenge is to lead a life well lived.
Glad you will be finishing your degree and this will be setting an example for them.
I think the anger may eventually fade. But it takes forever. I think for now all you can do is let it go and live your life. I know that in my fourties I too had lots of anger. It did not cause the end of my marriage but with time it did evetually fade away. I believe it is part of life and growing up for men. Too much testosterone. As I am older I am more emotional and less driven, and very little anger.
I still think that you will turn those lemons into lemonade. I have faith in YOU.
There are a few that remain stuck in mlc for the rest of their lives. They are the ones that are angry, mean people and remain unhappy and unfilled for the rest of their lives. There is nothing you can do to make things better in the arena of co-parenting. Accept your xh for who he is today and move along and try to be the best parent that you can be at your end if your son should reach out to you again.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I just dont understand the anger. I mean i did the first yr. or even two yrs. BUT over four years???? Why cant he see that his son needs both parents?
Hi Sunshine. Been a long time, no? You understood it?? I have to hand it to you. I have yet to understand any of it. And it's been a little longer. She got remarried right after but no baby that I'm aware of. My daughter is the one who is staying away. My son and I are very close at this point. But my ex is still very angry. I expect she always will be, at least where I'm concerned.
It was said to me a while back that I'm a reminder to her about things she did that she is not proud of. Maybe. But the anger is substantial just the same.
It doesn't stop me from parenting my kids. I do see the damage it does to the kids. But I cannot stop that.
I agree with Cadet - you have to go live your life and let the rest work itself out. It will. But it'll be a while and your ex is not going to change his anger toward you (and anyone else) for the near future. Eventually he may figure it out, or change, or transfer that anger elsewhere. More importantly, your son will figure it out, but he'll need to have you around to talk to. He'll be back again.
Be well, AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Renee, you cannot change people. As much as you want someone to do something, even if its the right thing to do, they won't do it unless they want to. Your son is a grown man, he's old enough to make his own choices and decisions, again, you cannot change what he wants to do. All you can do is live your life the best way you can and go forward with your life.
Your going to have to let your son go. He was old enough at 18 to know right from wrong when your ex made his choices.
Now at 22 your son choose to live in a dysfunctional environment with his father let him.
But let him know that your door is always open, but move on for your own sanity you can't keep worrying about him and the choices he made so far.
He moved in with you and saw what you could provide for him a calm home filled with love and for some reason he wanted to go live in a war zone with two damaged people.
As for your ex at work ignore him when possible as in don't even acknowledge his even in passing, he is now the stranger you work with.
