It would be helpful if you could provide more info on this. What was the ultimatum and why was it given?
I confronted him on his not committing himself to our religion. He promised at our wedding to do this. He knew it was a reservation of mine and I made it very clear that he could not be lackadaisical in this regard. He agreed to be very devout and involved. I confronted to ask him if he had changed his mind. He said he needed time to think about it. We agreed on a timeframe. Instead--he called his parents, made secret arrangements, and took off. So he didn't keep his word. And he blames me for this by saying I was pressuring him and he had no choice. Of course, this is a long-standing pattern with him. He has left several times (at his parents expense) and then always comes back after he's had a break. He did this to his first wife a few times as well. I understand that his father did this many times in childhood. They had a family cabin that the father used to go off to many times after a fight. But this isn't the same thing.
Quote:
Why don't you list those expectations here so we can comment on them.
- H must become fully employed (40 per week) and earn enough income to cover his and my expenses.
- H must consistently earn income and pay bills on time.
- H must begin providing for our retirement.
- H must work towards paying off his debts.
- H must verbalize his feelings or needs to me if they directly impact or involve me.
- H must continue his 12 step recovery program.
- H must fulfill his marriage promises to me by more fully engaging in our church.
- H must put his marital and financial obligations before his artistic pursuits unless those pursuits generate significant income.
- H must discontinue double standards that W must allow H freedom to do as he pleases without extending that right to her.
- If H needs time away from W he should verbalize this and work towards a plan that suits everyone and causes least amount of upset to the family.
- H needs to work on his jealousy issues--it is very destructive to the children.
- H needs to enthusiastically participate in a recreational life with me.
- H needs to work with W to develop a social life that includes Christian married couples.
These are the main ones right now.
M: 44 H: 49 4 children from previous R (3 @ home, 1 in college) M: 4 S: 12/12 H wants to come home: 2/13
