A Tale of Two Cities

[QueenOhHearts]

Boy am I totally disappointed. Had the convo with H last night about his "criteria" for reconciliation. It's clear he hasn't changed at all, and if anything, he has become more firmly entrenched in the belief that he's a victim and I am the one that needs to make all the changes. He was trying to convince me that I am wrong and his ways are right and should be respected. Unbelievably, this man who doesn't work enough to put food on the table told me I needed to get a job to help with our future! I have a separate means of support that is nearly $3K a month and covers mine and my children's expenses. What nerve!

And then he said I have to let him travel to funerals and weddings without throwing a fuss. He accused me of not letting him go to family events (WHAT????? what events?????) I said I encourage him as long as he pays for it. THAT'S WHEN THE DIALOGUE STOPPED ON HIS END. I also added that I want to take my kids on vacations without him and that I would pay for it. Again....silence. I find that very suspicious.

Here'a the list of his criteria:

- I have to get rid of my all or nothing thinking (but he claims he doesn't do this)

- No exiling him from the house (I agree. Going forward I will leave if I need space from him).

- We must keep biased family members at arms length (he meant mine must be keep away--he specifically said I need to reach out to his daughter and parents and build a relationship with them even though they have said they don't want to have anything to do with me).

- He wants to go to a marriage counselor

- He no longer wants to be involved in our church

- He wants me to get a job

- He wants me to accept decisions he make and not countermand him

- He says he can't trust me

- He wants to be married while retaining benefits of being single (pursuing artistic pursuits rather than work a "9 to 5" job, shouldn't have to pay what he thinks are unfair debts, wants to spend his free time by himself doing what he likes without me, wants to have sex but doesn't want babies)

- He wants to exercise authority with accountability to me

Well we are supposed to start up again on Wednesday night with my criteria but honestly after hearing what he wants, I no longer feel like reconciling. I'm not going to tell him this right now. I think I just want to go back to small and flirty talk for the time being. Not sure what else to do. I'm just really disappointed in him.

The things I want him to change....well, I can tell by his list that he's nowhere near ready to make the changes. I think we need to be apart longer for him to realize that he truly has to make changes. I get the impression that I might be Plan B since things aren't going the way he wanted where he's at.

Cake eating....

Comments????