New to the site...

[heartbroken5]

Sorry you're going through this. I know how hard it is.

Yes and the back and forth is killer. One min, I feel like I can do this and the next I don't. It's frustrating

Good that you realized you can only work on you. No matter how sad you are, or how angry you are, your H's behavior won't change.

Yes, I think what hurts the most is the false hope that I got from our meeting/date. We even got intimate which makes things worse for me emotionally. I've placed so much value on him and our marriage that I now feel like a failure. I don't mean to have these pitty parties but they happen and I'm ashamed of them all of the way. I keep going back and forth of how this is a good and how I have a life ahead of me, to feeling worthless and dumped. I look at the life that we built together and it's all gone. I am the one that has to start over and that [censored] or it feels like at least.

But if you change your own behavior, you might actually trigger a change in him.
((((((((((())))))))))))

I guess I'm not sure where to start. I've gone dark, come back, gone dark, and come back. I'm really confused about the process. I keep thinking out of sight out of mind, at least that's what a mutual friend suggested. That as long as I distance myself it will get easier for him to let it go. His (the friend's)advise is so different from what's here... I think at the end of the day I don't want to be a loser and it is obvious that I have lost a lot.

I started reading your post and my H is at the same place. You were a good wife, I want a fresh start, etc. We have no kids which makes everything seem "easier" in his eyes, but it's not at least not for me. Your story of how you have gotten through is so inspiring. I want to be strong enough to move through this and move on. I don't see it. How did you get there?