LBS-still hauling-3rd lap

[Dm45]

Why do I try to control things...that's a question in the workbook I am wrestling with.

Fear of abandonment, maybe.
Lack of trust or faith, maybe.
Fear that those I love will do the "wrong things", maybe.
A feeling that I am not good enough to be loved, maybe.
Fear of judgment, maybe.

All of these have been on my mind. I think all might be factors in one way or another.

I agree that certain boundaries are there to protect ME. However, the book speaks just as loud,if not louder, to me anyway, about my need to RESPECT the boundaries of others. I believe if I can do that, I may be invited back in. In retrospect, I only manipulate, violate on those closest to me. Shameful.

I see my biggest need for change here as internal boundaries that will keep me from disrespecting the boundaries of others.

I didn't intend for this to be long, but this just came to me:
Ppl in my life can be put in 2 broad groups...group (A) are the people who seem most comfortable around me, my Bs and S and BILs and SILs, for example...I am not trying to change their opinions or behaviors, we can agree to disagree, maintain the R, etc. and they seem to genuinely want me around.

Group (B) are my W and kids. I want each of them to change or do something...W to come home, S16 to work harder in school and be more respectful. D to be more respectful. S20 seems to have moved from B to A...treat him as adult... But the others, incl. W I am driving crazy and away, neither is what I want.

I see right now the difference between ppl I get along with and don't is whether I want to change them or not.

Several in group A for example disagree w/me on politics and or religion. But it doesn't matter on either side.

Anyone in group B disagrees, I am always trying to change them...into me...?