So I've really come to the conclusion I don't want my H anymore. I don't care if he comes out of the fog. I don't like the person he has become. I don't feel any remorse for what he did to me and I don't see any effort to stay at home and at the very least work on being a good father to his children. I think about all the things I hate him for and it upsets me. I hate him for abandoning his family, I hate him for causing a bulk of the financial problems, I hate him for all the horrible things he said and did to me, I hate him for making another life outside of our home, and I hate him for not trying to make things better.
Last Sat night he went out and didn't come home again until 11AM Sun. The kids constantly tell me what a jerk their father is for doing this. When I ask him where he is he won't say and then when I accuse him of being with the OW he denies and says why do I have to have someone else because I am not home? The thing is, he has been saying that for over a year. Who knows any longer. Then I came home and he told me he was alone at the movies for most the night and then went to his friend's house. The truth is, at this point he can say whatever he wants and I guess it doesn't matter. I don't believe him. Even if he came around, what kind of relationship would we have if I can't believe a word he says. The damage has been done.
He doesn't move out and he has no job. I feel stuck with him there. I no longer look at him and wish he would come around. I've realized that I deserve so much more. My only wish at this point is that one day he sees all the damage he has done and feels sorry for what pain he has caused me.
me-42 H-41 S-12 S-8 M-15 yr f/o bout OW- 11-29-12 H moved out 10-31-13 Filed for divorce 12-27-13 D- 10-21-14
