Okay, so I'm having a rough night. Reflecting on difficult things H said to me and that have happened since BD. I can't seem to get my mind off these things tonight.
I feel like I'll never get over H. We've been together 20 years. Most of my adult life. And his. I don't WANT to start over. I don't want to give up what we had. I can't let go.
Yet I know I need to.
Luckily most nights are not like tonight for me now. But, tonight is. And, part of it is my sadness for boys. S11 was having a sad night and needed lots of hugs and me to put him to bed 3 times then sit next to his bed to help him settle down.
S13 wanted me to sit next to his bed and hold his hand too. This has happened several times recently.
It makes me sad for them. For me. They need me. And I need them. But, they need their dad too. And, he is making an effort to them every day and interacting w them when he sees them (rather than just sitting on the couch and shutting out the world like he had been for the past year before he moved out).
I know this night will pass and I will probably be in a better place tomorrow, but it just sux after 8 months I can still feel so heartbroken and so "at the beginning."
COuld use some words of encouragement and advice how to get through times like this...I just wonder why I'm the one so "broken" now when I thought H was.
Sorry for my pity party.
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
