My 8 year old Son asked to talk to me last night... He was very open and it was very upsetting. Amongst other things he told me:
- very sad we are not together. - When he is with his mum he misses me and vice versa. - Gets v upset at school so just goes and sits by himself. - Idea of divorce makes him very sad and he doesn't understand. - He's scared that we will never do anything together again - Disneyland etc. - Asked if I still loved Mummy. - Told me he thinks all this is him Mums fault - Just wants to be a family again.
It was so painful to hear - I wish my W would see what she is doing - but she is just with OM at every opportunity. She is coming round tomorrow for a chat about it all - it's going to be so hard not to get angry because I hate what is happening to our family and she just doesn't seem to care: "It'll be ok", "only way forward", "early days" so sick of hearing these things.
First of all..
Even if she did hear it from him, it wouldn't matter to her right now.
Secondly...
His fears over what is happening are very real.
It IS a possibility that those things are true.
No matter what people say, children are very perceptive to their surroundings, and pick up on the emotion being played out by the authority figure that they are with.
Most WAS are very adept at pointing out that "kids are resilient" and in truth ?
Kids are more prone to being resilient, yet they aren't naturally. They pick up on the vibe of the room, and they learn resiliency from responsible, resilient adults.
I would assume that the fears that he has, are along the same fears that you have as well....
Has he seen those from you ???
Maybe he has, maybe he hasn't..
More importantly, what are you showing him differently than that fear ?
How are you showing him that although he may be correct, it doesn't mean that he will not have a fulfilled childhood ???
Children need that rock in their life, that can show them that no matter what life hands them, that they can conquer the world.
Look, this sukcs, yet it only sukcs as much as you let it sukc.
When our Son looked at me and asked me similar questions as your Son asked you...
I told him that it wasn't about whether or not Mom loved me, and that I couldn't answer that for her. It was about how much we loved her. And that we wanted her to be happy, even if that meant that she lived elsewhere. And maybe that meant that we wouldn't always be together physically, yet every time that we do something, whether she is there, or not there. She will be with us in our hearts. That the same would be true for when I wasn't with them. That I would be in his heart, right beside him.
That I wanted Mom to be happy, even if that meant that she had a different life, maybe with someone else, and that I loved her enough to let her go, and find that out. That loving someone through the rough times, makes it easier for loving them during the good times.
