thank you thank you for your words of support and wisdom. I cling to them, believe me. I definitely don't want to tell the boys on my own. I don't want it to seem like an ultimatum to my H, but I must draw the line. He doesn't move out by Saturday then we tell them Sunday. (after consulting with therapists with the best way to do so). And if he DOES go...I will keep my mouth shut (I will no longer be lying if he's someplace else) and H must not go to OW house. H can see her all he wants at his place. S can not have contact with OW for a very long time (H agrees to this). There is no contact with OW S8...and I can control this as he does not go to their school anymore. They will eventually know, but perhaps delaying it will help. Perhaps not.
True about the anxiety from the lack of knowing where Daddy is. A LOT of anxiety. Both boys sleep with me most nights and S8 locks us in the room. He is very frightened. I reassure them that I can take care of them and they can go to their rooms safely, but right now I accept they need this. I will not reject them or push them away in their time of need.
The fact that H is expecting OW S to keep a secret is disgusting to me. That poor kid. He doesn't deserve this. I worry about him, too.
H is at the psychoanalyst as I type. I wonder if he will last 5 minutes there. Will be interesting, I went last week and it was intense. To his credit he continues to at least search for a way to make this better. He can't do it on his own, but he is willing to seek professional help. There is hope yet.
