I agree with the others, you need to take this slow and let him control the pace. It sounds like things are going well though!
Originally Posted By: QueenOhHearts
The separation was unplanned, the result of an ultimatum I gave him gone terribly wrong.
It would be helpful if you could provide more info on this. What was the ultimatum and why was it given?
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I've NEVER initiated contact with H since I began reading DR. I do respond to his messages (although sometimes I wait a few hours or days).
Sounds like you're following the "last resort" steps in DR, but please understand the LR is meant to get the WAS's attention. In your case you have his attention and reconciliation is on the table, so there's no need to maintain as much distance (IE, waiting days to respond to a message).
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During our conversations he's been very honest --something he has not been in the past. I've really been affected by the brutally honest assessment of himself, his faults, and failures.
Excellent! Sounds like a really positive development.
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And yesterday he admitted that his attempts to establish a new life away from me is a total failure and he wants to come home.
Tread carefully here, you don't want him returning because you're the "lesser of two evils". You want him to return committed to developing a newer, better relationship with you. That's one of the things you'll want to discuss.
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I don't feel comfortable giving him a list of my expectations because 1) that's not GAL/detaching, 2) I doubt he could live up to them anyway, 3) it seems inconsistent with DR.
Why don't you list those expectations here so we can comment on them.
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My idea is that I should focus more on the key problem areas and develop strategies for what specific steps I will take to deal with those scenarios with loving detachment.
That sounds good, but again, if you can list those here it will make it easier for us to help you.
