Again - this one is kinda long. I'm trying to keep conversations together so it's easier to read. As most of this is coming from my journal (using MS Word) I'm well ahead of the posts here.
I woke W up when I realized she was late – yet again – for work. I don’t know for sure how much she was drinking at this point, but, I do know she kept a bottle of Parrot Bay in her car for when she was at work to help her get thru the day. One thing was certain, this was not person I lived with for 24+ years.
I received a text message later in the day from her asking if I had hacked FF’s email account (I'm in the IT field, so, it's not out of the realm of possibility). It turned out that he had another GF on the side (not saying my W was one, but, this was probably the third I knew about since I met him) and FF’s wife found her and sent her an email letting her know he was married. I told her, no, I didn’t hack it, but, I did know what happened – FF had his email set up on his W’s iPad and she logged into his email and saw the messages between them and responded to one. I told her I was beyond caring about him or anything he had to do with.
When W got home that night, we discussed with D#2 the issue of looking at her mom’s phone. Then she tried to turn her attack on me. I simply asked her what she was more upset about; daughter snooping in the phone, me seeing the messages or her getting caught sending text messages she had no business sending to another married man. She then tried to deflect by telling me what a horrible person FF’s W is, and I told her I didn’t care. What happens between FF and his W is none of our business, but, you seemed to have developed an emotional attachment to him and seem willing to take on his fights.
I also told her the following:
He’s 56 years old, on his sixth marriage, and has multiple girlfriends at a time. Can you not see any problem here? Further, he hates himself for running over his 18 month old son years ago – which is understandably sad and tragic. However, he has no problem using that as an excuse for his behavior today. He drinks himself into oblivion almost nightly, drinks while at work in the restaurant and when questioned about his integrity or actions he constantly brings up the fact that he spent his life as a fire fighter helping people. It's also strange that if someone doesn't like him it’s not because of his actions, it’s because they do not know or understand him. He speaks about his wife to others like she’s a possession that he loves and cherishes, yet he tells you how evil she is and how unhappy he is because of his her.
I then asked how much of his money he sunk into opening the restaurant; she said he claims it’s at $55,000 right now (he paid from his lump sum retirement). I told her that she didn’t have the capital invested, only equipment and experience at running a restaurant. I asked her if they ever signed a business agreement, to which she just hung her head and said no. I told her that I wished that she hadn’t hated me so much that she refused to listen to reason when I implored that she pushed a written agreement. I said that I hope I’m wrong, but, if he can’t get what he wants from you, he’ll try to force you out.
She did comment that they were having trouble with NSF paychecks – FF was spending money from the business account without discussing it with her. He was supposed to handle the administrative aspect like paying all of the payroll and sales taxes while she was supposed to be handling the operating aspect of the restaurant. This was obviously not happening at this point, and I was sympathetic, but, in the process of detaching myself from the ridiculous amount of drama going on.
After this conversation, I went outside to start working on the front deck on our house. She followed and started asking me why I did what I did (looked at her phone) and asked why I lost the trust in her. I simply told her I was tired of the games. At this point, I still didn’t know what I was dealing with – MLC, menopause, the craziness her grandfather warned me about or simply a pissed off wife. Though, at this point I was thinking that six months was a little long to be holding a grudge. I finally cut to the chase and asked her what she wanted, and why she just couldn't come out and say it.
She said she didn't know what she wanted, but she was tired of the drama. I told her that even the best relationships go thru rough times, but, if she wanted a divorce she could have it because I was done with the rumors, lies and innuendo of everything regarding her and her activities. I told her it wasn't fair to our daughter(s) and I was tired of getting a 'wife report' every time I went into town (we live in a small town). This surprised her, and she responded by asking how we could afford divorce. I simply told her in Florida it was a $495 filing fee, and if we agree on everything no attorney would be needed. I also told her we each had to take a class by DCF to ensure that we knew how a divorce would impact D#3 and would have to agree on the division of property.
She then asked how she was supposed to make it since she wasn't drawing an income from the restaurant yet and it was currently losing money. I told her she should have thought about that before acting the way she did and before getting involved in an EA with another man and listening to other people – all of which who are so good at M that they've each had no less than 4 - about our relationship; and that ended our talk. We didn't really talk about anything except the kids for almost two weeks after this.
