Totally get it! But you're definitely on the right path. Keep it up! That is one aspect of your R that YOU can change. If you get a chance, read up on over-functioning. Sort of like co-dependence but different. It helped me anyway.
Bug, I get the communication thing, how it's not good to mindread, how both parties need to be clear, etc. But I'm not seeing how that solves anything in this case. Consider: SS's H: "I'd really like you to drive up here and go to the concert with me on Sunday." SS: "Sorry, H, it sounds fun, but I already have plans with x. Besides, I was just up there and I'm tired and don't feel like driving it again right now." SS's H: "Biotch! I'm resentful that you aren't willing to do what I want you to."
So now everything is spelled out in clear, spoken words, but they're exactly where they started. What's the point? I don't believe SS's husband needs to change his communication style, I think he needs to learn to respect her as a human being. And considering her a "slave" human being doesn't count.
