After receiving some great advice and reading good advice on other threads I decided to go away and really think about things. I think it helps to have a few days away from these boards purely because when your 'in your own crisis' reading other Sitch's can (not always) make you feel a little worse. Most of my days are being filled by GAL activities and I've got some great focus points to look forward to birthdays, holiday etc so focusing on yourself does seem to work (at last!) I still have bad moments where lonelyness and desperation to reach out set in, my mind even shifts to wondering what W is doing but I can't control that. I'm really not sure if the lack of comms even lack of a move towards D is a good/bad sign?
I had kids Saturday so I went to get hair cut before I picked kids up so I'd look my best and surprise surprise I received a text from W 5 mins before I was due to get them saying 'kids will be leaving soon if you can look out for them' this frustrates me as I see picking kids up as a way of showing my W my best side and I'm keen to actually 'speak' to her even if its just 'Hello, how are you? Is that a new top?' as I'm sure we can build on this and she might realise eventually I not going to talk about M or R. I might have backslide a little here but I acted on emotion and replied to her text with 'Ok thanks. I don't mind them walking round but part of me thinks ur avoiding me? I hope not as its not healthy' I'm being honest I knew I was going to send that if she let the kids walk to me because that's how I feel. Was that right or wrong of me?
So anyway I took kids to see my Nan, their Great Grandmother as it was her 89th birthday then I took them to the shopping outlet as S3 has worn the same pair of trousers 3 weeks in a row and now have a hole in one of the knees so I went and bought him 2 sweaters, 2 pair of jeans and a pair of trainers (sneakers?) I even got my D9 a pair of Nike high tops really cheap. We then went food shopping where we got some cookie mix so we could go home and make cookies for everyone, just a shame I burnt them later on!
All in all I had a good weekend, I even got a text from W thanking me for the kids stuff, even if it was a day late!
Be good all esp to yourselves
M - 37 W - 35 T - 11 M - 5.5 SD13 D10 S4 ILYBINILWY 15 Oct '12 Moved out 7 Dec 12 At present - Being the best dad i can be.
