Served

[dorightman]

Breakdown, This has been going on since Aug., well, longer, but I've been home consistently since Aug. The main point w made over & over is that the first step in all of this is for me to honor and respect the fact that she wants a separation. That meant move out. She told me and herself that if I didn't move out, that meant I didn't listen ,honor & respect her and there was no way she would consider R with me until I listened and moved out.

Well, I didn't because I was told over & over again not to. It became a power struggle, a tug of war. I tried to be cool in the house, but I became weaker being around her, she was cold, shut off, mean, indifferent, it was hell living that way.

Therapy didn't work, she just dug in. She also became paranoid I was going to hurt her or the kids, and she had no reason to. But I have to say her energy really affected me negatively.

I wasn't able to detach, and the negative energy in the house was bad for everybody including the kids. Even if I kept a positive attitude, she would be negative and would bug me or say negative things to me to get me to react...

Ever seen the movie "War of the Roses"? Not as bad as that, but similar..

So, the problem is, how do you give space without separation? And in my case, if W says that the 1st step is separation meaning I need to go , and I don't listen, she thinks this is why she is leaving me. "Because he doesn't listen to me, because he doesn't respect me, because he doesn't honor me and my request for separation. "

Then she starts to think, "how do I get him out of here"? " and you know what follows...