A week ago I consulted a lawyer. Not to file but just to see my options and the process of the big "D". It is enlightening to know what I can do and be prepared if W files one and also to protect myself.
Update on me: A little shift happen to my feelings last 30 days. I'm not trying to save this anymore. I'm practicing validation to my W. I'm giving her compassion. I'm accepting this sitch as it is. I'm treating every single day as our last day together. And If I backslid, I don't beat up myself anymore. I just simply recognize and move on. I'm trying not to have expectations anymore. Perhaps this is what DBing is.
My focus is on me and kids. I trained all month and did a charity bike ride yesterday (100 miles). W didn't bring the kids at the finish line, so I was a little disappointed, but she was under the weather so I put myself in her shoes and understood. I got home and I acted as if, and told her about the ride, it was a good convo and this morning I overheard her telling SIL this morning my bike ride, made me happy but I'm not making much about it, it just been a while since she actually said something that I accomplished.
So far validation is going a long way. We had a few R talks last month, and every time I zip my mouth the more she seem to warm up with me. It was against my will in the beginning because I always thought that it would mean I was agreeing with her. So I would just add her a line like "although I don't really agree with you but I do understand". So that's one thing I gained, being good listener. She did ask me a few times how can she get the feelings back, and I realized that was the time she wanted advice, so I said that "feelings change, we used to be in love and look how the feelings changed now...so if it could change before it could change again".
No more expectations for me. I'm ready for D if that's in my future. I've got my ducks in a row, saving money, etc. but I'm putting this on the side for now.
Right now my W is staying in the house and has not mention the D. She is still on the fence. But that's her issue that she needs to work on. I'm not taking it personally anymore, I'm making myself happy. Don't get me wrong I'm still a work in progress, I still have good and bad days, but I keep reminding myself I can't let this sitch get to me and hostage me anymore.
I'm reading this book by Susan Page and it really helping me, and very much in line with DR book.
So far the pain have lessen...
Just taking it day by day.
Well til the next update, Newman
me40; W43 M18; T~20 D18; S13 & S3 bomb 5/9/11 EA busted 4/30/12; 9/4/12; 4/29/13; 6/10/13 same OM
Separated 4/1/14
"Even a flicker of light will shine through darkness-12/25/2012"....better days ahead.
