I've been in deep thought the past few days. Thanks so much for your insights I appreciate them.
AJ your post helped me to challenge myself in letting my guard DOWN and really thinking over what you said.
What I've come to realize is that a good portion of my frustration through all of this has been me fighting myself on so many different levels. All because of fear and doubt.
I too suffer from Feral Cat Sydrome.
I think my relationship autopsy is nearing completion. Tonight I was able to go back about 8 years ago and really remember the start of the demise of our relationship. He and I were both guilty as charged for not admiring or appreciating one another. Of course hindsight being 20/20 I can see how it could've been turned around, but also with total acceptance of how XH copes and deals with emotions and conflict, there was no way I could penetrate that passive aggression.
As I look back the one message I kept getting between the line from Xh over the last two years is " Your admiration is still important to me. Im still trying to get it".
Im wondering if his random emails are attempts to try and get that.
However, a problem I have. I don't mind giving credit when credit is due, but for the longest time it seems to be a one way street with him. He strives for attention and accolades, but can not return compliments.
At any rate Im surrendering to God. I've prayed for his help every step of the way yet am now realizing how I've fought him all along by not listening to the messages he's giving me.
