Had the conversation with H. I'm very disappointed. I claims that in the past 4 days he's been hit with a sinus infection and can't find a job so he was unable to actually work on a list of criteria. But he did take the opportunity to complain about me and how badly I treated him. He insisted I get a job (I collect almost $3K a month in child support so I'm a homeschooling stay at home mom) and I am running the household without him on all my own income. So there's the proof I don't need more income. When I pointed this out he pretended like he forgot about it. Then he complained about his legacy, his future....sounds like MLC to me but not sure.
I listened, validated his feelings, admitted where I was truly at fault. He complained about sacrifices he has made for me (but he couldn't articulate them) and then I GENTLY pointed out that I had made some too. He was incredulous and demanded examples. I gave him 3 and he sheepishly apologized. Then he seemed interested in compromise.
I realized just how black & white his thinking is. I never realized before. Wow, in his mind if he is the good guy I MUST be the bad guy. I asked him if we can both be the good guys. He really paused a long time before answering that.
I was tempted to complain about how he's treated me but I stuck to responding to his issues.
I can't be certain, but I get the feeling that he wants me to take care of getting him home, buy his airfare (he's totally broke right now) and just let him come back and expect nothing from him. He spoke a lot about how he's just too dumb or too old to change or too sensitive. Then all the statements to make me feel guilty. Expressed quiet rage that I threw him out (he walked out)...this just doesn't sound like someone who really is taking responsibility.
I ended to convo and he wants to continue tomorrow night. I have a bad feeling that his only objective is for me to "rescue" him from his parents house.
On a surprising note he asked me out of the blue "Do you love me?". This is significant because for 3 years I've been saying ILYBIDLY. I didn't even know he cared if I loved him. He's acted as if it doesn't matter. He's acted like my EA's had no effect. His EA's tore me up and I let him know.
Anyway, I totally am going to believe nothing this man says and look at actions only. He's really acting like a sad case, a victim, a broken man, a wounded bird....the old me would swoop in and save him. I won't be doing that again.
Ideas?
M: 44 H: 49 4 children from previous R (3 @ home, 1 in college) M: 4 S: 12/12 H wants to come home: 2/13
