Such a hard hard day today. The little one asked for a family meeting to talk about Daddy leaving. It ended up with lots of feelings shared, lots of tears, lots of anger, and fears...so overwhelming, so sad. We all cried.
I had a heartfelt conversation with H about him living across the street from us. Begged him to please consider that it would be too much for the boys to handle if they found out. They ask me several times a day (and ask him too )where are you staying daddy? Begged him to please consider moving to a hotel...but he said he is "in a relationship" and has decided that takes priority. The OW wants him to stay, though she acknowledges it must be hard for the boys. Her own S8 knows that H is his mommy's new BF---which must be confusing since H is his best friends' daddy. Messed up for that kid too.
I feel like I am allowing him to have his cake and eat it too. I said that H could see the boys every day if he wanted. But I don't think this is healthy for me or them. Very intense moods after he leaves. Today I had to say it was too emotional for him to come over. H understood. H talks to me about OW as if we are now platonic friends, and it is hard to hear. I am trying to get out have fun keep life moving (and it helps) but it is still new and raw and hard.
I need boundaries. I feel like H and I are not on the same page in putting the boys' best interests first by living across the street. It hurts me and is just insensitive. Cruel really. Enough is enough. Lying to the boys, H still sneaking around, it feels horrible.
I don't know what to do. Keep the visitation to a more "normal" schedule--once during the week and over the weekends...or keep an open door. I feel the open door policy lets him have everything he wants (see the boys)and flaunt it at me across the street. Having boundaries will help me heal, and give the boys time to just "be", and settle into a new routine.
I am strong and have been as upbeat and positive as possible until now. but now feel worn out run down and incapable of talking to him anymore about this. I have appealed to him several times...and I know that I have done a lot of enabling in the past and continue to be the bridge between him and the boys, to facilitate their relationship. he has no real idea what to do with them or how they feel, doesn't even really ask about them. I don't feel like I want to spill out all of their emotions and tell them how horrible tonight was--it was something they shared with ME, they trust me. if he wants to know how they feel, he should ask THEM. yet I know they won't tell him. But if he knows how sad they are, maybe something in him with change? I doubt it. SO SO SO confused. what should I do. I don't like being around him, but I can endure it for the boys. I really don't think it's great right now for them to see him every day, maybe confusing? and their emotions are all over the place afterwards. It's eary. And I just can NOT stand him living across the street. that is the worst part of all for me. and if the boys find out, well then we really do have problems.
