almost 3 months....seems like eternity

[sandi2]

[spoiler]That is very insightful. Sandi is awesome!

Now, I will be the first to admit that I am not ready to jump back into our old M. I am sure things would quickly go sideways. We have many issues, on both sides, that we need to work out. I am willing to work slowly in it, stay separated, whatever, with the understanding that it may not work. This is pretty much the situation you are in tallula. You're both on board .I would LOVE to be in your sitch right now, or to just have my wife show ONE sign that she isn't 100% done. That is all I would need. Unfortunately, I am working on myself alone, all alone. I know, DBing is for "ME", and I am working hard towards being a better person. I really am. It just doesn't make it any easier when you know your S isn't putting in any work and shows no signs of returning.

It is just discouraging....today is discouraging. tomorrow WILL BE BETTER...I have to remind myself of that.
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It must be a man thing! How many times I have read where the LBH say he can do whatever it takes.........IF ONLY he knew she would be on board to give the M another chance! He wants the answer before he asks the question!!!

My H wanted. To know that I was going to put 100 percent effort in working on our M. Well guess what? I was so angry when he made that statement, I almost decided to leave. How dare him say that to me! I was the one who had worked so hard all those decades.......while he did nothing! My god, it was taking all I had just to not get a D, and he expected 100 percent from me? What percent had he given?

I'm trying to get you to hear me. It's great if you get your eyes open and want to be the H you should have been all this time, but a LBH is not being realistic to want a sign from her. As long as you pine for a sign, you are thinking in fantasy land. She can't give you a sign that she's not totally done! Listen, she can't. In her mind set and in her emotions....she is done and right now she cannot muster up a sign for you. To do so would mean that. She had to feel and think differently.

Now you can determine to go forth and become a better person.......not based on getting her back, but based on having a better future. Or......you can stunt whatever growth possible by having the attitude that you don't want to do all of that effort and end in vain. Which would mean that it was totally a gimmick to get her back in the first place.......and it would not stick anyway.

I'm repeating myself, but I can tell from the above post that you're still holding out for what she can give you. Maybe someday, when she sees the man you once were and she sees it has stuck.......but she can't do it now.