First time to post on your thread. I just wanted to also say that you should get her a b-day gift. Past Christmas I didn't get him any Christmas gifts but got him few inexpensive small gifts. One of them was a t-shirt that says to bring back XX (tv show he LOVES but cancelled) Apparently there are a whole bunch more people like him who wanted that TV show to come back. I remember I used to make fun of the show all the time. We joke and tease each other about things we both like.. but I wondered how he must have felt when he was not in a good mood for me to say "That's such a stupid show it was cancelled for a reason" I was kidding of course but not a nice thing to say AT ALL.
When he saw the T-shirt, he was genuinely excited about it. I also chose a card that didn't have any husband-wife mushy messages but instead chose the one that said "Bday is about the journey and wherever the year ahead takes you hope it's happy" and I just wrote I want you to be happy.
M37 H36 M8 T12 inc 3yr L-dist 7/12:H broke down 10/12:H dad D frm W4. BD soon after 1/13:H wants to leave 2/13:H gpa passed. Feels closer but H still leaving 3/13: S begins
Oh I had a question. I've also seen and read some LBS dating. It's their choice and I'm personally not interested in doing so even a little bit. BUT..
How do they find people to date?!?! I mean we LBS (and WAS) are all still legally married whether you have rings on or not. I'm just curious because when they meet someone how would they introduce themselves?? "Hi I'm still married but I wanna date" or do they not explain their situations at all to the people they date? ... that doesn't sound okay to me.
M37 H36 M8 T12 inc 3yr L-dist 7/12:H broke down 10/12:H dad D frm W4. BD soon after 1/13:H wants to leave 2/13:H gpa passed. Feels closer but H still leaving 3/13: S begins
Stilllookingup, my personal view is I am not going to date until I receive the divorce papers, until then I am married, whether my ring is off or on.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
Me too. But I just wonder how do the others who don't have the same view as ours find people to date. It's just a mystery to me. I wouldn't even know where to start. I can meet people, sure but I wouldn't even know how to introduce myself.
M37 H36 M8 T12 inc 3yr L-dist 7/12:H broke down 10/12:H dad D frm W4. BD soon after 1/13:H wants to leave 2/13:H gpa passed. Feels closer but H still leaving 3/13: S begins
Stilllookingup thanks for popping by, sorry it took me so long to reply. I try and post an update about once a week (more often if I am having a rough patch).
I am going to keep Bday card from me simple, get her a small gift from me but mainly things from S.
Re dating I think there are a lot of LBS who date before D. I do not personally have an issue with that as I see D as the piece of paper that makes it official so to speak. But I am no way ready to date yet.
Quick update on my sitch. I initiated an e-mail the other day as I I have no contact at all with W during the week usually. The e-mail was a document eldest S wrote at school (it was a short story on our annual holiday but was hilarious!). Sent it to W who responded positively and laughed.
I also spotted an opportunity to practice my W LL when I picked youngest S up. She has also given up smoking now and her skin looked v clean. I congratulated her on the 2 weeks no smoking and said how good she looked for it, that her skin looks really healthy too. It went well, she beemed a big smile and said 'do you really think so', I said sure I do. She looked very pleased with the compliment so guess I am on safe ground now for this. I only see her twice a week so not much opp to overdo it . She then joked sayig she secretly hoped I had caved in and brought some cigarettes with me so she could have one. I suppose giving up smoking is another thing we have in common now
Other than that no change. We continue to get on well at exchanges, lots of small talk, she has not shown any pursuing behaviour towards me like before xmas so it seems to be at a bit of a stale mate at the moment.
So having another mini crisis with W again! I dropped S off on monday with her bday cards n gifts. Card from me, card and gifts from S.
Text her this am to wish her happy bday. She thanked me for card n gifts. Then asked if I was free to talk. I cldnt straight away but rang her later. A while back her brother asked her to be guarantor for a loan. She agreed despite me advising against it. So she finds out today he has gone bankrupt and the loan co are chasing her for the debt. She gave me the 'u can say I told u so etc etc' to which I just said u didn't know this wld happen. But she cannot afford the payments. I am anticipating her to then come to me to help out. Me view is I shld not. I advised against it, it is her brother and not my problem. I wanted to run it by here first as we left it that we wld talk some more on friday when I pick S up and I know she will play the victim etc etc if I don't help out.
FY, I can barely afford it given what I am already paying off from the M. I am not sure what the legal position wld be on this. If it was a M debt then I wld be liable. However, given it was W acting as guarantor for her brother and he only became insolvent after S then not sure whether this wld make me liable. But as W cannot afford it either then I expect they will both come knocking at my door! If that makes sense?
What in your heart do you think is the right thing for you to do? (Not tactically right, humanly right.)
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
Adinva u ask a v good question. My heart says I shld not help out. That might make me cold hearted but the only reason I wld help out is to look good to W to win her back. As it stands W has walked away from all our debts which will take me a long time to pay off. I don't see why I shld add to that burden by taking on further debt that is nothing to do with me. I think it is time she started to take responsibility for her decisions and choices without me as a backstop.
IDK, guess I am angry and it now sounds a bit like I am punishing her? Wld be interested to get peoples views.
. She then joked sayig she secretly hoped I had caved in and brought some cigarettes with me so she could have one. I suppose giving up smoking is another thing we have in common now