LIS, I could have written your post. I have good days, sometimes even a week or two at a time. But I experience exactly the same thing you posted -- often! I can't do the crazy. It's the inspiration for my screen name. One minute my H is threatening D because of lack of sex, the next he's telling me he recognizes how selfish he's been for the last 19 years and he's going to devote the next 19 to my happiness. And then back again.
The only thing that keeps me grounded is my own logic. I'm very creative, but I'm not much of a dreamer. That pie-in-the-sky "love can fix anything" naivety is long gone from me. I know that if I can't draw it out, I can't make it work. I'm sure that's my conflict with the "faith" discussions earlier in this thread. H and I had some conversation yesterday about our R. I only got his attention because I spent the night at my BFF's house the night before and H didn't know what was going on. It was completely innocent, but if he thinks it was something more and it lights a fire under him, I'm certainly not going to correct him.
It was a long, un-emotional discussion, but not helpful to bringing us together unfortunately. The opposite for me, in fact. I recognize that one of my traits is not being very sympathetic and understanding when people think differently than me. As long as it isn't impacting me, I'm perfectly fine with it. I see people with pink hair and nose rings and tattoos top to bottom and I just don't get it, but it doesn't impact me either. When it does, that's when I start to lose it.
The hardest aspect of this for me with H is his ability to paint himself wonderful and me horrible, without any basis in reality. There were several times in the conversation yesterday when he would make a statement to me about how wonderful he was ("I build my life around you.") When I asked him how, he couldn't give me a single example. Because there aren't any. Sooo much of our conversation is like this, where I'm trying to pick through the BS and actually make some progress. Unfortunately, the next day, he would say the same thing.
The one positive thing (for me) that came out of yesterday was a discussion of lying in a M. I consider this basic. It's essential for me. The discussion about it was so crazy, it had my head spinning. To sum it up, he believes it's okay for him to do and not for me. I'm supposed to forgive him, but he's not sure he could forgive me if I did. I can't do anything with that. So I keep running that around in my head over and over, trying to settle my jumbled feelings, and simply, objectively, accept that it *cannot* work, whether I want it to or not.
