Soul, even if your H didn't tell you what happened, with the note falling out of his lunch bag, that doesn't excuse his reaction to you. Besides, if he was a better man, he would have used it to his advantage. He could have embellished your notes in such a way that the guys he worked with would have been completely jealous of him. We know he isn't opposed to lying, so he could have told any story he wanted.
If I was you, I would have stopped sending them, too. And it floors me that he *does* remember, but *doesn't* know why you wouldn't be doing it now.
I always wonder about the "rewriting of history." H and I can disagree on something that happened 20 minutes ago. We often talk about recording our conversations. We did once and it came in handy, for me anyway. H didn't like that it proved him wrong. I don't think we did it again after that. It's not like it helped anything really. I don't know what you can do when it's something like you've described, where he denies giving you a teddy or a ring. Those seem pretty significant. Or maybe they were just significant to you and didn't mean anything to him when he gave them to you. I think people just remember what's important to them. If one person remembers something good, and the other person remembers something bad, perhaps that's just how they experienced it. You can disagree on what happened (he gave you the bear or not) but the personal experience is what you remember. You really truly valued the gift, whereas it probably didn't mean cr@p to him when he gave it to you. You'll remember it, he won't.
It's also possible that he really doesn't know what is true or not true anymore, because he lies so much about everything.
I only know what my H told me about his ex and their breakup. But my experience with her personally after we got M'd? I know I don't like her, she is not a good person. But who's to say what she used to be like. I used to be nice, too, but feel like I'm turning angry and bitter because of H. Heck, I could be her right now.
I agree with sometimes not seeing the big picture. I can't say what your H tried, how much he communicated with you about his issues. The thing is, though, what he presents still has to be functional. His lying could be an insurmountable issue. Wanting from you but not being willing to address his own behavior will not work.
