Confused compass?

[JJAC2005]

OK..the reality here is this;
I am divorced, we have no chance connections for any even casual talks (either about kids/business/ect.).
I will leave it all alone and respect her wished to leave her and the children alone, and continue to GAL, in the dark.
However, I am confused about the going dark part, and how this works at all. I honestly believe in my heart that my (ex) W still has feelings for me, and that when we filed, she had some sort of hope then that I would be scared into changing my stance/views/behaviors on the things she had the biggest issues with, and I admit I had pretty much the same hope for her. I think that she is angry now about the marriage not working out, she's angry about anything and everything I am to blame for, plus the rest of anything and everything I am not responsible for.
I do not believe that she is having any type of self reflective processing (at this point), and she is not looking at anything she is/was responsible for....I know I probably jumped the gun a bit in asking about starting up at least a small friendship where I could at least have a cup of coffee now and then, and even get to have a moment with the kids now and then.
I also feel that I know just how stubborn a woman she can be, and when she has made her mind up, she pretty much wont change it unless its something that really takes on a different look in time or and act of God! also, I feel that its her pride plays a huge role in that process for her and as long as she is in control its all about how it looks to her and to others.
Now...here I am....feeling I am stuck in the dark....feeling paralyzed and helpless to showing my ex just what has changed and how differently I see things could be for us...once again at the mercy of her own wishes, wants, and desires. Back to feeling the sadness of the loss more than thinking of the brighter new me on a path to being a better person, friend and partner.
I guess I need to work on my own patience and trust in this whole process, but it looks to be a very long road. I had read several inspiring success stories and forged a plan to copy it step for step in hopes of reclaiming my marriage in the same
manner. I saw that inspiration in a series of articles on "Marry, Divorce, Reconcile" in Psychology Today, as well as a friend giving me a book "I Do Again: How We Found a Second Chance at Our Marriage" by Jeff and Cheryl Scruggs

I have questions to those of you who have gone dark, and those who have had to wait for the opportunity to at least start to try to begin again.
Do you move on with every aspect of your life? what about getting involved with other partners? wouldn't that sabotage any efforts and desires for the WAS to even want to try?
I know that it took Rachel Clark, 6 months from the start of her quest, but on the other hand it took Cherry Scruggs 6 long years to reclaim her marriage....and I know that in some cases many never
After being dark for a period of time do you resurface now and then to try another contact to see if the anger has dissipated enough for the other to be open to a cup of coffee, or do you just stay dark hoping that the other person comes around on their own?
I know I will heal, and I know I am in better place....I know that I am only in charge of my own stuff.....I know that I have slipped up numerous times......But I still believe in the love that we shared, and I believe in getting an opportunity to show her what I have learned from having gone thru everything that we had to go thru to be a better us in the end!
The trouble is, I am not so sure after the latest exchange that I will ever get that opportunity....