I struggle a lot with doing 180's, DBing and then being told I'm acting weird or acting as if I've moved on and don't want to work on things. I've thought of writing him a letter, similar to the one in Love Must Be Tough, and at least putting it out there that I want to work it out but I am letting him be free.
This control issue - I have the same thing - and lots of times I don't even realize it. Sometimes you feel like you have no choice but to conrtol it otherwise things won't get done. Have you found any techniques to help?
Have you worked on a goals list lately?
I don't know if their responses to our changes are because they actually wonder if we are moving on or if they are just testing us. I guess it really doesn't matter though, because the changes we are making are ones that needed to be made anyways. One time when my wife started in on me about how my changes made it so she felt she didn't know me anymore, I asked her if she wanted me to go back to the way that I was. That kind of confused her too. She doesn't want me the way that I was, but she doesn't feel she knows me after the changes. Go figure! It's frustrating sometimes. I am working on not letting my frustration show. I am working on keeping a PMA and a happy demeanor.
Haven't found the silver bullet on getting rid of my controlling nature yet. That's my next mission. I do feel that once I can shed that habit, I will be a MUCH happier person and much more fun to be around, too.
As far as my list of goals, I have just a few things written down.
1. She will ask how I am doing when she communicates with me. 2. She will wear her ring and not remove it. (She used to never remove her ring.) 3. She will touch me.
I'm going to read up on you and your situation. Thanks for encouraging me. It means a lot to me since I don't get ANY words like that from home.
You are right, we need to make the changes anyway. And yes, completely frustrating. It's hard not to try to read into things.
I'm going to read a book called Let.It.Go in regards to the control issue. Unfortunately, I think it is something we have to work hard at and actually stop and think about things before reacting. It's not easy.
Sounds like a good start on your goals. I have yet to write mine down...that should be my first goal lol. Isn't it odd how they pick and choose when to wear their ring when they used to never take them off? Mine does that too. And always has some sort of excuse but it's hard to buy the excuse when they used to never take them off. He didn't have it on last night when we were at a bowling party - said he took it off to work on his car. Back around Christmas when he didn't have it on several times and I questioned him, the next time he came over I had taken mine off, he made a point to tell me he had his on, told him guess I'll put mine back on then and he got angry - what's good for the goose is not good for the gander in anything regarding the spouses.
