The first paragraph is all about what you want, not what he wants. You've told him all those things, I'm sure he gets it, now let him go.

And the second paragraph-jeesh, you went from undying love for H to a new R in 1 sentence. Slow down.

You need to figure you out before you decide a new R will fix things.

Right now I'm scared to fight what I feel is rightfully mine in the division of our assets and home and what I feel is in the best interest of D. Because if I fight against him for what I think it is right, I'm afraid it will ruin any chance that he will want to come home.
This is not DBing, this is game playing. Do you have a L? If so he/she should be able to make sure you get what is fair.

Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss