Soul.Searching my way back.

[Soul.Searching]

Thanks Bug, I don't know how long it will last but I do feel so much better.
I didn't want to take this journey. It seemed to painful to bear, I didn't want to possibly still be taking it in a year or two. I think that was a huge hurdle for me.
I knew it was unavoidable but I was still had my claws in trying to stop it. It didn't work lol. Part of me still doesn't like it but part of me is embracing it.
I've only just begun but I can see now, it's the only way. I never would have learnt what I learnt, if this didn't happen. I just didn't understand but now I'm beginning to.
I still love H but I felt alone so much through our marriage. I really do want him to be happy.
H told me tonight he is applying for a job close to where he is living. A few weeks ago, this would have hurt terribly. I felt his Job caused a lot of our problems and he traveled so much but yet now he can look for a no travel job, close to home for his GF? I really doesn't bother me now though.
Things change, people change and maybe we just didn't fit. If he can be happy with someone else, than so be it. I'm going to be happy too.

Now I just keep thinking "He's her problem now" it's probably not the best attitude but its how I feel right now. I don't see him as a bad person. I see him as a lost little boy with different core morals and values to me.
I really wish him happiness.
I'm also not really taking it personally now. It is personal in a way but I now see it as more about him than me. I'll take 50% of the blame of the marriage break up but I see it as two different people on two totally seperate journeys.
I'm not after reasons or explanations now. It kinda seems irrevelant. It is what it is.