I think that my biggest fear right now is that a divorce will happen. Most days I am ok with it. My w actually told me that she thinks a divorce will bring some closure for her. Maybe it will. I know for myself that my feelings will not change because we are divorced.
Fear is a nasty thing. It can make you miserable and bitter. I feared losing my job for years before BD thanks to this crappy economy we've all been mired in. But yet I still have the same job, 11 years now. And my boss loves me. You know what I never once feared? My marriage falling apart. So there I was, eaten up by fear over something that wasn't an issue while having not a care in the world about something else that was falling apart.
I thought long and hard about my history of fear and you know what I realized? All of the things I've always feared in life have NEVER come to pass. Yet all the bad things in my life were things I never saw coming.
And that led me to the place I am now, which is acceptance. I don't lay awake at night any more worrying about things, and if I start to have even the slightest inkling of a fear then I remind myself that the things I fear have never, ever happened and that actually gives me comfort, because the very fact that I might be afraid of something gives me reason to think it'll never happen, LOL!
