Gonna be different now, (butterfly in hurricane).

[Big Bruce]

My friends,
Thank you for your patience and your helpful responses,
after 7,5 months of separation one would think I made progress, but it has been up and down. One step forward, half backwards.

Since the beginning I'm told to look inside, and to understand W, but there was too much pain to do anything but try and ease the pain, you know. Now, things are a bit more into perspective, and I see myself a couple months back, with that blind pain consuming all my thoughts...
The best would have been to not do anything rather than making things worse.

At the moment, I have to admit I am confused and saddened. Another stage of grief, one might say. W has written very clearly all her reproaches on her affidavit. Some stories are fabricated, others exagerated and distorted, other facts are just the plain truth. And what bothers me most is not the lies, because deep down I know its forged and it never happened. What bothers me is the truth, because I have egg all over my face when I read what I did to her, her suffering, her true suffering because of me.

Last Valentine, I told her that it all starts by a commitment heart-shaped ring, then comes an engagement ring, then a wedding ring, and as a gift of love, I was giving her the longsuffer-ring.
It brings bittersweet memories, and I wonder if I should pull out that line this Valentine again or not ? (or too cheesy?)

I drew my Son's hands on a "Son's Valentine card", as suggested by 25yearsmic, so as to give something to W without being from "me".

The very next day, the 15th February, at 10h am there's the Court hearing for S custody.
I can understand her not wanting to see me, but what does it have to do with her not wanting me to have S at all? All I'm asking is to see my S, like any dad would want. Worse thing is, we never had a talk with W about it. With her is all through lawyers, and emails. No phone conversations or amicable solutions or mediation. It's all Court and emails.

It's been almost 35 years that I'm a christian, so I'll take any explanation or point of view on stuff of the Bible with interest. I'm humble enough to recognize that there are many interpretations and that I don't have it all figured out, nevermind wanting to argue about this or that.

Thank you for your prayers, I'm striving to become a better man, a better husband if I'm given the chance, and certainly a good dad. But without help from above, I'm not sure I'll have the strength to proceed.

Good evening you all,
Bruce.