As for your wife - did she ever have a drinking problem before that you know of? Has she been on any medication or has she had gastric bypass surgery?
I ask because sometimes, medications or gastric bypass can trigger addictive behaviors. But most likely, your wife took up drinking to numb the pain of her father's passing - plus her father's passing made her acutely aware of the fleeting nature of life, and she may have had an early midlife crisis, thinking she was missing out on something.
Stick to the high road, put your energy into your kids, be an exemplary father. If she's capable of coming back from this, she'll appreciate you later for all those things. If she's not capable of returning, at least you'll feel good about having done your part and will have no regrets.
