eyes, Am I afraid to change the dynamics? No. Am I afraid of not having my kids? YES. I want them to be in their own home--for them and for me. Am I fearful of "getting out there?" YES. I don't to. A part of me wants to continue in my comfort zone. But, I know I NEED to.
I also want a "big card" to play when H starts dating OW. (Him not coming to house on w/e's will not go down well w him.)
GTO, I completely understand wanting the kids to stay in there own home. Maybe you could start with having your husband spend the night, while you go out and spend it with a friend. A little mystery, your out, and the kids are in there home. GALing is so important for detachment. I haven't been feeling the greatest this week, so I forced myself out the last two nights and had a blast both nights. So rather than thinking I will be okay without my w, GALing makes me believe I will be okay.
As far as the "big card" goes, it seems like a tactic. You are focusing on your husband and something that may never happen or maybe it already is happening. Say they aren't dating and you really start to GAL, will he wonder if he is losing you? Will he want to be part of your fun. Who knows, but I think you will start finding yourself. Otherwise you are putting your life on hold. Regardless of what happens we all need to be moving forward, even if it is with baby steps. I feel like you are in a holding pattern waiting for your h to change the dynamics.
Me 37/W 32 S 5 D 4 ILYBNILWY 5/12 Sep 8/12 Starting to find myself 11/12 on
