H is doing all the things I would hope he would do during this time. Communicating, keeping me in the loop on absolutely everything, changed his email address, new phone number that will be finally officially switched over when he moves home (with the local area code), showing me he loves me, giving me space when I need it, understanding how I need to heal...
But, the past few days I have just had this anger bubbling under the surface. Angry at him and how he hurt me, angry at her and what she shared with him, even though she didn't know, anger at myself for my role in getting where we got.
Now, logically, my head tells me we are doing well, that this will be a roller coaster of emotions, we're moving in the right direction, both wanting to move together. But, for some reason, lately I have had this overwhelming desire to scream and cry and throw things at him (I don't and I won't, just a feeling, my inner child screaming at him for the pain) and destroying her (which of course I would never do). But this anger, it sits there, perched on my chest, tensed in my jaw, sitting, waiting to be released upon someone. It won't be. And I don't know if I'd even admit my anger to those around me. But here...I can. I can let it out without fear of being judged, or hurt, or punished for feeling the feelings I occasionally have.
